1
00:00:15,795 --> 00:00:20,665
(jazz music playing)

2
00:00:43,955 --> 00:00:47,825
(people chattering)

3
00:00:52,035 --> 00:00:54,335
(man on TV) <i>Why wouldn't we
bring up the first amendment?</i>

4
00:00:54,335 --> 00:00:57,605
<i>We have to stick to the constitution.
That is what made this country.</i>

5
00:00:57,605 --> 00:01:02,575
(group chattering, indistinct)

6
00:01:08,445 --> 00:01:14,225
- (hocking phlegm)
- (TV continues in background)

7
00:01:18,525 --> 00:01:20,725
(woman exhaling)

8
00:01:25,705 --> 00:01:27,033
Don't die.

9
00:01:29,632 --> 00:01:31,530
Come on, photosynthesis.

10
00:01:36,105 --> 00:01:39,331
(jet engines whooshing)

11
00:01:45,436 --> 00:01:48,972
(female announcer over PA,
indistinct)

12
00:02:14,766 --> 00:02:17,932
- That's a nice dress.
- Oh. Thank you.

13
00:02:17,933 --> 00:02:20,000
- I like your jacket.
- Thanks.

14
00:02:22,368 --> 00:02:26,034
- I hope our flight's on time.
- Oh, it is. See?

15
00:02:26,035 --> 00:02:29,901
This airline has an excellent
arrival-departure record.

16
00:02:29,901 --> 00:02:31,799
Um, I Googled it.

17
00:02:31,799 --> 00:02:34,696
And, um, it has a 98...

18
00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:36,993
No 96,
no 98 percent approval...

19
00:02:37,003 --> 00:02:39,460
online user
approval rating.

20
00:02:39,461 --> 00:02:41,968
Which is very incredibly
high, obviously.

21
00:02:41,968 --> 00:02:45,594
Um, and Rancho Cucamonga
Mary sent me three,

22
00:02:45,605 --> 00:02:49,501
who I trust implicitly,
was very effusive about it.

23
00:02:51,898 --> 00:02:53,766
- Yeah.
- And you get a snack.

24
00:02:54,766 --> 00:02:56,394
Great.

25
00:02:56,394 --> 00:02:57,802
(woman on PA continues,
indistinct)

26
00:02:57,802 --> 00:02:59,760
- I'm sorry, what was that?
- What?

27
00:02:59,771 --> 00:03:01,399
You just took
a step forward there.

28
00:03:01,399 --> 00:03:03,796
- I didn't.
- Yeah, you did. You know you did.

29
00:03:03,796 --> 00:03:05,694
- I didn't realize.
- Oh, I see.

30
00:03:05,705 --> 00:03:07,493
I beg your pardon?

31
00:03:07,503 --> 00:03:11,668
- I s-see what you did. I know what you did. It's...
- What did I do?

32
00:03:11,668 --> 00:03:17,332
You came up alongside me, you know, with
your jacket and your face and charm,

33
00:03:17,333 --> 00:03:21,099
and you just, you know, talked to
me for a strategic amount of time,

34
00:03:21,099 --> 00:03:22,797
established your position,

35
00:03:22,797 --> 00:03:26,663
and then just casually, blatantly
stepped in front of me.

36
00:03:26,663 --> 00:03:28,501
Like I had
some sort of amnesia

37
00:03:28,501 --> 00:03:30,998
and couldn't remember 15 seconds in
the past when you were behind me.

38
00:03:30,999 --> 00:03:33,496
- Untrue.
- (scoffs)

39
00:03:33,496 --> 00:03:35,693
Oh my... You just
did it again.

40
00:03:35,704 --> 00:03:38,930
This is like watching a
master at work in his dojo.

41
00:03:38,931 --> 00:03:40,829
- I mean...
- Here's what happened.

42
00:03:40,829 --> 00:03:43,626
I came to my gate, hoping
my flight was on time.

43
00:03:43,636 --> 00:03:45,693
I then attempted to start
a pleasant conversation,

44
00:03:45,704 --> 00:03:48,631
whereupon you revealed the tip of
the iceberg of your tendencies,

45
00:03:48,631 --> 00:03:51,568
and I was forced to take a step
forward to escape the vortex.

46
00:03:51,568 --> 00:03:54,794
Oh, my God.
Oh... Again! Oh!

47
00:03:54,795 --> 00:03:58,101
And now you're casting me as the author
of a Byzantine conspiracy theory

48
00:03:58,102 --> 00:04:00,459
of a Machiavellian land grab

49
00:04:00,469 --> 00:04:03,965
designed to usurp your position on
an aircraft that has eight seats.

50
00:04:03,966 --> 00:04:05,963
You know what? Okay.

51
00:04:05,964 --> 00:04:10,099
That's cra... If I'm wrong, just step in
back of me instead of in front of me.

52
00:04:10,099 --> 00:04:12,496
No, because that would mean
going past you again.

53
00:04:12,497 --> 00:04:15,493
(scoffs)
I see. You know what?

54
00:04:15,494 --> 00:04:19,859
Five years ago, I would have said
something trite like, "Chivalry is dead."

55
00:04:19,870 --> 00:04:21,967
But this is worse
than unchivalrous.

56
00:04:21,967 --> 00:04:25,833
This is... You are
part and parcel of a world

57
00:04:25,834 --> 00:04:28,860
that no longer has any
idea how to behave itself.

58
00:04:28,871 --> 00:04:32,467
In fact, I draw a straight
line between people like you

59
00:04:32,467 --> 00:04:36,333
to investment bankers to
politicians to terrorists.

60
00:04:36,333 --> 00:04:40,998
You basically all have the same contempt
for decency and rules and any manners.

61
00:04:40,998 --> 00:04:44,634
And what's funny is there's
no way you can board first

62
00:04:44,635 --> 00:04:46,992
because the only way you could board
first is if you had a special need.

63
00:04:47,002 --> 00:04:48,800
Do you have
a special need?

64
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,926
Yes, I need
to be over there.

65
00:04:51,927 --> 00:04:52,666
(scoffs)

66
00:04:54,694 --> 00:04:57,661
(woman on PA continues,
indistinct)

67
00:04:57,661 --> 00:04:58,600
(sighs)

68
00:05:01,827 --> 00:05:03,495
Fucker.

69
00:05:29,669 --> 00:05:30,797
(sighs)

70
00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:32,596
- Fantastic.
- Wonderful.

71
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:37,031
- Anybody want to trade seats?
- You're ridiculous.

72
00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:39,629
Anybody?
It's great back here.

73
00:05:39,629 --> 00:05:41,996
(sighs) You've got
to be kidding me.

74
00:05:46,502 --> 00:05:47,600
Jesus.

75
00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:59,259
What brings you
to San Luis Obispo?

76
00:06:00,328 --> 00:06:01,996
- You don't have to.
- What?

77
00:06:01,996 --> 00:06:05,662
Talk. Honestly, I'd be
happier if you didn't.

78
00:06:05,663 --> 00:06:06,731
Fine.

79
00:06:08,730 --> 00:06:13,495
(loud crinkling)

80
00:06:15,733 --> 00:06:21,866
(loud crinkling)

81
00:06:27,661 --> 00:06:28,959
Dear God.
Tear it at the notch.

82
00:06:28,969 --> 00:06:31,326
There is no notch.

83
00:06:31,327 --> 00:06:33,095
- Give it to me.
- I'm not giving you...

84
00:06:33,095 --> 00:06:34,034
Give it to me.

85
00:06:49,369 --> 00:06:51,996
This one does not appear
to have a working notch.

86
00:06:58,869 --> 00:06:59,867
Yeah.

87
00:07:00,927 --> 00:07:01,995
Yeah.

88
00:07:09,968 --> 00:07:11,526
All that...

89
00:07:15,532 --> 00:07:16,700
Thank you.

90
00:07:25,332 --> 00:07:26,600
(both groan)

91
00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:40,496
I'm actually
going to Paso Robles.

92
00:07:41,626 --> 00:07:43,723
They call it Paso "Roables."

93
00:07:43,734 --> 00:07:46,091
Well, the correct
pronunciation is Robles.

94
00:07:46,101 --> 00:07:48,358
But they call it "Roables."

95
00:07:48,359 --> 00:07:49,957
- Whatever.
- I hope it's a big place.

96
00:07:49,967 --> 00:07:51,695
It isn't.

97
00:07:51,696 --> 00:07:54,393
If I see you at a restaurant,
I'll go to another restaurant.

98
00:07:54,393 --> 00:07:56,460
I'm not going to be
in any restaurants.

99
00:07:56,461 --> 00:07:59,827
Why? Are you checking
into a mental institution?

100
00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:04,492
I'm going to that most presumptuous
of all things, a destination wedding.

101
00:08:06,401 --> 00:08:08,528
Please don't tell me
it's Keith and Anne's.

102
00:08:10,667 --> 00:08:12,894
How many weddings
can there possibly be

103
00:08:12,894 --> 00:08:15,091
on any given day
in Paso Robles?

104
00:08:15,092 --> 00:08:16,990
I was praying for two.

105
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,657
And I was blaming Satan
for my seat assignment

106
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:22,364
when it was actually
just Keith's assistant.

107
00:08:22,365 --> 00:08:24,492
And how do you know
the esteemed Keith?

108
00:08:24,493 --> 00:08:26,760
I was engaged to him
six years ago.

109
00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:29,527
- Oh, my God, you're Lindsay.
- Why, how do you know him?

110
00:08:29,527 --> 00:08:31,365
He and I have
the same mother.

111
00:08:31,366 --> 00:08:32,864
Holy shit,
you're Frank?

112
00:08:34,433 --> 00:08:36,830
Oh, you're even worse
than he said.

113
00:08:36,830 --> 00:08:38,498
You too.

114
00:08:38,498 --> 00:08:39,596
(groans)

115
00:08:42,794 --> 00:08:44,032
(loud slam)

116
00:08:47,759 --> 00:08:50,356
Oh, my God.

117
00:08:50,366 --> 00:08:51,864
Serious...
(mouthing)

118
00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:54,991
(exhales)

119
00:09:19,467 --> 00:09:22,024
- There was supposed to be a car.
- Our flight was early.

120
00:09:22,024 --> 00:09:23,762
Really?
It seemed so long.

121
00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:27,359
(man on PA) <i>Attention, passengers,
increased security measures</i>

122
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:29,526
<i>require all passengers
to maintain</i>

123
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:32,763
<i>close personal contact
with your bags at all times.</i>

124
00:09:32,764 --> 00:09:35,361
(man on PA continues,
indistinct)

125
00:09:41,495 --> 00:09:44,462
So how much do you know about what
happened between me and Keith?

126
00:09:44,462 --> 00:09:47,059
I know that he broke off your engagement
five weeks before the wedding.

127
00:09:47,059 --> 00:09:48,657
And now I know why.

128
00:09:48,658 --> 00:09:50,626
He said some shit
about you, boy.

129
00:09:50,626 --> 00:09:52,823
- Like what?
- Doesn't matter.

130
00:09:52,833 --> 00:09:56,059
Don't do that, don't dangle an injurious
tidbit and then snatch it away.

131
00:09:56,060 --> 00:09:58,497
Or what, I'll die alone?

132
00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:00,426
Keith is a panhandling
piece of garbage,

133
00:10:00,426 --> 00:10:01,824
and you're better off
without him.

134
00:10:01,824 --> 00:10:04,890
Which is saying something,
considering how bad off you are.

135
00:10:04,891 --> 00:10:07,458
Just pity the bride,
whoever she is.

136
00:10:07,459 --> 00:10:10,595
- You haven't met her?
- Just like I never met you.

137
00:10:10,595 --> 00:10:13,392
I stay as far away
from Keith as I can.

138
00:10:13,393 --> 00:10:16,859
My mother insisted I turn up for this shit show,
otherwise, I wouldn't be meeting you now.

139
00:10:16,859 --> 00:10:19,326
Isn't that nice
to think about?

140
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:21,524
She said it's important to show
up because if you show up,

141
00:10:21,524 --> 00:10:23,891
the worst they can say is you're
horrendous, which is subjective.

142
00:10:23,892 --> 00:10:26,359
But not showing up
is objective.

143
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:27,728
Well, you showed up.

144
00:10:28,867 --> 00:10:30,525
Why would you come
to his wedding?

145
00:10:30,525 --> 00:10:32,063
He broke your heart,
as I recall.

146
00:10:32,064 --> 00:10:33,992
Shattered, yes.

147
00:10:33,992 --> 00:10:35,660
Didn't you wind up
suing him?

148
00:10:35,660 --> 00:10:37,827
Well, I needed to lash out.

149
00:10:37,828 --> 00:10:41,424
Plus he cost my parents
$32,000 in deposits.

150
00:10:41,424 --> 00:10:43,062
- Did you win?
- There was a settlement.

151
00:10:43,063 --> 00:10:44,761
Did you feel better?

152
00:10:44,761 --> 00:10:47,857
Look, I came
because he invited me.

153
00:10:47,858 --> 00:10:50,655
He only invited you because he
wanted to act like a big person,

154
00:10:50,665 --> 00:10:53,691
not because he, in any way,
wanted you to come.

155
00:10:53,692 --> 00:10:58,597
You think I wanted to come? I'm
just trying to be the big person.

156
00:10:58,597 --> 00:11:01,723
See, this only works if one of
you actually is a big person.

157
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:05,560
Well, also, I need closure.

158
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:08,556
You don't have closure?
It was six years ago.

159
00:11:08,557 --> 00:11:11,524
Do I strike you as someone
who has closure?

160
00:11:11,524 --> 00:11:13,921
He's marrying someone else.
That's closure.

161
00:11:13,931 --> 00:11:15,359
It's closed.

162
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:18,526
Closed is not
the same thing as closure.

163
00:11:18,527 --> 00:11:19,765
(car horn beeps)

164
00:11:28,727 --> 00:11:30,595
Any chance
they sent two cars?

165
00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:02,591
So, what do you do, Frank?

166
00:12:02,592 --> 00:12:05,928
That is, when you're not shining
your light upon the world.

167
00:12:05,929 --> 00:12:08,356
I run marketing
for J.D. Power and Associates.

168
00:12:08,357 --> 00:12:10,065
The "Car of the Year" people?

169
00:12:10,065 --> 00:12:11,863
No, that's a magazine.

170
00:12:11,863 --> 00:12:14,030
I bought one of your cars of the year.
It was a piece of crap.

171
00:12:14,031 --> 00:12:16,488
Again, a magazine.
Common error.

172
00:12:16,498 --> 00:12:18,056
Is that the career
you dreamed of?

173
00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:20,724
Handing out awards
by the fistful?

174
00:12:20,724 --> 00:12:23,661
Hugely successful company,
extremely well-respected.

175
00:12:23,661 --> 00:12:27,357
It's corporate brownnosing
on a national scale.

176
00:12:27,357 --> 00:12:29,624
International.
And don't sleep on awards.

177
00:12:29,625 --> 00:12:31,692
Our country lives
on self-congratulation.

178
00:12:31,693 --> 00:12:32,821
Let me ask you this.

179
00:12:32,832 --> 00:12:34,690
Has there ever been a car

180
00:12:34,690 --> 00:12:37,657
that wasn't a J.D. Power
and Associates Car of the Year?

181
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:40,024
We don't do "Car of the
Year." That's a magazine.

182
00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:41,863
I've seen those
Lucite trophies.

183
00:12:41,863 --> 00:12:44,630
They're on every car commercial
for every car, ever.

184
00:12:45,929 --> 00:12:46,997
(sighs)

185
00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:51,093
What do you do anyway?

186
00:12:51,093 --> 00:12:54,089
I prosecute companies
and institutions

187
00:12:54,090 --> 00:12:56,727
for culturally insensitive
actions or speech.

188
00:12:58,965 --> 00:13:00,992
You're the politically
correct police.

189
00:13:00,993 --> 00:13:02,661
(laughs) No.

190
00:13:02,662 --> 00:13:04,859
You parse what people say and
do, and then accuse them

191
00:13:04,859 --> 00:13:08,395
of being racist or misogynist
or otherwise horrible.

192
00:13:08,396 --> 00:13:10,523
You destroy lives
and reputations for money.

193
00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:12,322
(scoffs)
No.

194
00:13:12,332 --> 00:13:14,729
Is that what you dreamed of?
A career in reverse fascism?

195
00:13:17,557 --> 00:13:19,025
I can't remember dreaming.

196
00:14:25,458 --> 00:14:26,596
(key clatters)

197
00:14:39,923 --> 00:14:42,330
(exhaling)

198
00:14:46,826 --> 00:14:50,692
(TV chattering)

199
00:14:52,061 --> 00:14:53,589
Wrong!

200
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,963
I thought this was my closet.

201
00:15:01,721 --> 00:15:03,589
Are you expecting
a response of some kind?

202
00:15:04,758 --> 00:15:06,426
No.

203
00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:10,422
Uh, I see now that there
is a bolt on the door.

204
00:15:10,423 --> 00:15:12,321
So, we should use it.

205
00:15:12,331 --> 00:15:13,629
Yep.

206
00:15:25,757 --> 00:15:27,864
(Frank hocking phlegm)

207
00:15:32,690 --> 00:15:34,088
(bolt clicks)

208
00:15:34,089 --> 00:15:35,387
(TV continues)

209
00:15:35,387 --> 00:15:36,525
(bolt clicks)

210
00:15:36,526 --> 00:15:43,688
(hocking phlegm)

211
00:15:43,689 --> 00:15:44,757
(man) <i>♪ Oh, my good girl ♪</i>

212
00:15:44,758 --> 00:15:46,086
<i>♪ Looking this fancy ♪</i>

213
00:15:46,097 --> 00:15:48,524
<i>♪ Pretty little mama
Like a lot of table dancin' ♪</i>

214
00:15:48,524 --> 00:15:50,991
<i>♪ I want to pop a bottle
But she just keep dancin' ♪</i>

215
00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:53,459
<i>♪ We gonna keep it up
Till the top of the morning ♪</i>

216
00:15:53,459 --> 00:15:55,656
<i>♪ Hey, everybody
Take a look at that body ♪</i>

217
00:15:55,657 --> 00:15:57,724
<i>♪ Fine derriere
That's a whole lot of hotty ♪</i>

218
00:15:57,725 --> 00:15:59,593
(music fades)

219
00:15:59,593 --> 00:16:02,020
- How's your room?
- I'm just sleeping there.

220
00:16:02,031 --> 00:16:03,689
How's yours?

221
00:16:03,689 --> 00:16:06,386
I'll let you know after I run
a UV light over the sheets.

222
00:16:06,396 --> 00:16:07,994
We really shouldn't
speak anymore.

223
00:16:07,994 --> 00:16:09,692
If you think that's best.

224
00:16:09,693 --> 00:16:11,521
Do you think Keith
is trying to fix us up?

225
00:16:11,521 --> 00:16:12,789
Even he is smarter
than that.

226
00:16:12,790 --> 00:16:15,856
I don't know.
I mean, same flight.

227
00:16:15,857 --> 00:16:17,994
Seated next to each other
on the plane.

228
00:16:17,994 --> 00:16:20,491
Adjoining rooms.
Seated next to each other here.

229
00:16:20,492 --> 00:16:22,859
You think that's
all just coincidence?

230
00:16:22,859 --> 00:16:26,325
Keith has never had a thought
about another human being.

231
00:16:26,326 --> 00:16:29,522
So we're just the people
you don't know where to stick?

232
00:16:29,523 --> 00:16:31,620
Might as well
just stick us together.

233
00:16:31,621 --> 00:16:33,928
I don't want to be a person
you don't know where to stick.

234
00:16:33,928 --> 00:16:36,655
That is not the life
I imagined for myself.

235
00:16:36,656 --> 00:16:39,862
I'm sure your next life
will be better.

236
00:16:39,862 --> 00:16:43,688
Welp, here we go.

237
00:16:43,688 --> 00:16:44,756
So that's her.

238
00:16:44,757 --> 00:16:46,325
Yep.

239
00:16:47,455 --> 00:16:49,892
She is a tall glass
of hemlock.

240
00:16:49,892 --> 00:16:51,820
- She's Danish.
- Dutch, I thought.

241
00:16:51,830 --> 00:16:53,318
Danish.
From Denmark.

242
00:16:53,329 --> 00:16:55,057
I know where
Danish are from.

243
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:56,825
He looks the same
as he used to.

244
00:16:56,825 --> 00:16:58,453
Plastic people don't age.

245
00:16:58,454 --> 00:17:00,022
Well, I was hoping he had.

246
00:17:00,022 --> 00:17:04,887
I was hoping he'd be less attractive
or on his way to obesity.

247
00:17:04,897 --> 00:17:07,724
Is this the first time you've seen
him since the crushing ending?

248
00:17:09,093 --> 00:17:10,761
- Is it bad?
- Yep.

249
00:17:10,761 --> 00:17:12,988
- As bad as you feared?
- Yeah. Worse.

250
00:17:16,026 --> 00:17:19,991
- How can this be the way the species is set up?
- I'm sorry?

251
00:17:19,992 --> 00:17:23,088
How can we be allowed
to feel so much for people

252
00:17:23,089 --> 00:17:25,526
who don't feel
anything for us?

253
00:17:25,526 --> 00:17:28,493
You're assuming that you're
normal, which is hilarious.

254
00:17:28,493 --> 00:17:31,659
- It's incredibly cruel.
- Well, look at it this way.

255
00:17:31,660 --> 00:17:34,926
For a time, you carved out a place in his life
when there really shouldn't have been one.

256
00:17:34,927 --> 00:17:36,585
That makes me a dipshit.

257
00:17:36,595 --> 00:17:38,892
I agree.
I was just humoring you.

258
00:17:38,893 --> 00:17:40,691
The truth is,
from puberty on in,

259
00:17:40,691 --> 00:17:42,988
we should all just
be playing defense.

260
00:17:42,989 --> 00:17:45,496
- "On in"? On in to what?
- Death.

261
00:17:47,554 --> 00:17:49,022
- Oh, God.
- Officer on deck.

262
00:17:49,022 --> 00:17:51,419
- (Frank) So you got to know Mom.
- (Lindsay) Plenty well enough.

263
00:17:51,420 --> 00:17:52,658
(Frank)
So you met her twice.

264
00:17:52,659 --> 00:17:54,826
(groans)

265
00:17:54,827 --> 00:17:56,455
Howard.

266
00:17:56,455 --> 00:18:00,091
- (Frank) Oh, this fucking guy.
- (Lindsay) Who's he with?

267
00:18:00,091 --> 00:18:01,459
(Frank) His girlfriend.

268
00:18:01,460 --> 00:18:03,088
Howard left your mother?

269
00:18:03,088 --> 00:18:06,055
"Left" is not
a strong enough word. Fled.

270
00:18:06,055 --> 00:18:08,792
- (Lindsay) For an older woman?
- (Frank) He would have left for an otter.

271
00:18:08,793 --> 00:18:11,989
- Anyway, leaving is leaving.
- No, no.

272
00:18:11,989 --> 00:18:15,555
Leaving for a younger woman
is awful, it's horrible.

273
00:18:15,556 --> 00:18:19,352
But leaving for an older
woman is perverse.

274
00:18:19,362 --> 00:18:21,589
(Frank) Mom would have been just
as angry about a younger one.

275
00:18:21,590 --> 00:18:23,927
(Lindsay) Yeah, but she would've
been able to use her age

276
00:18:23,927 --> 00:18:26,854
to rail against
a gender-unfair society.

277
00:18:26,854 --> 00:18:29,860
I mean, leaving for a younger
woman's the least he could've done.

278
00:18:29,861 --> 00:18:31,858
My father left her
for a younger woman.

279
00:18:31,859 --> 00:18:34,486
She can think about that,
when she wants to cheer up.

280
00:18:34,487 --> 00:18:37,893
But she and your father eventually
made peace though, didn't they?

281
00:18:37,893 --> 00:18:40,060
Yep. Dad jumped out
a seventh-floor window,

282
00:18:40,061 --> 00:18:41,959
and Mom considered them
all square.

283
00:18:41,959 --> 00:18:43,687
- I'm sorry?
- Don't be.

284
00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:45,455
I was not a fan.

285
00:18:45,455 --> 00:18:48,052
Well, you're not a fan of
many people, is my sense.

286
00:18:48,063 --> 00:18:49,861
Well, this person
shot me, so...

287
00:18:49,861 --> 00:18:52,088
- He shot you?
- He did.

288
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:55,625
He said I was the embodiment
of all his bad choices.

289
00:18:55,625 --> 00:18:58,022
- Did it hurt?
- Did it hurt?

290
00:18:58,023 --> 00:18:59,791
Is that a serious question?

291
00:18:59,791 --> 00:19:01,689
There's a metal missile
going into your body.

292
00:19:01,689 --> 00:19:03,756
Yes, it hurt.
It hurt a great deal.

293
00:19:03,757 --> 00:19:05,725
Well, what did you do?

294
00:19:05,725 --> 00:19:06,823
I ran at him.

295
00:19:06,824 --> 00:19:08,692
You ran at him?

296
00:19:08,692 --> 00:19:10,350
Why didn't you
run away from him?

297
00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:12,517
That didn't occur to me.
I was pissed off.

298
00:19:12,528 --> 00:19:15,025
He tried to shoot me again,
but he missed.

299
00:19:15,026 --> 00:19:19,321
I got the gun out of his hand, hit him in
the face with it, broke his orbital bone.

300
00:19:19,321 --> 00:19:21,758
- What did he do?
- He cried.

301
00:19:21,759 --> 00:19:23,257
Begged me to kill him.
I wouldn't.

302
00:19:23,257 --> 00:19:26,423
Not because I didn't want to, but because
I didn't want to fuck up my life.

303
00:19:26,424 --> 00:19:28,891
I mean, any more
than it already was.

304
00:19:28,892 --> 00:19:30,550
Turned out I didn't
have to kill him though,

305
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:32,987
because that night,
he jumped.

306
00:19:32,987 --> 00:19:35,554
It's quite a family.

307
00:19:35,555 --> 00:19:37,892
Nobody's arguing.

308
00:19:37,893 --> 00:19:41,888
(Lindsay) You can't call a
78-year-old woman your "girlfriend."

309
00:19:41,888 --> 00:19:43,386
It's ridiculous.

310
00:19:43,387 --> 00:19:44,785
(Frank)
What should I call her then?

311
00:19:44,796 --> 00:19:48,791
I don't know. An ossified,
pre-dead corpse-friend?

312
00:19:48,792 --> 00:19:51,089
Is that in the politically
correct handbook?

313
00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:53,086
I'm off the clock.

314
00:19:53,087 --> 00:19:54,985
She just needs a little
more hair and makeup.

315
00:19:54,995 --> 00:19:57,792
(Lindsay) I think we passed
a mortician on the way in.

316
00:19:57,792 --> 00:19:59,490
Travel with her
on your arm,

317
00:19:59,491 --> 00:20:02,018
you'd better know where the
funeral parlors are at all times.

318
00:20:02,028 --> 00:20:05,324
(Lindsay) And by "On your arm,"
you mean both figuratively

319
00:20:05,325 --> 00:20:07,892
and for actual
physical support.

320
00:20:07,892 --> 00:20:10,449
- I've never met her.
- Better hurry.

321
00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:12,987
I guess the heart wants
what the heart wants.

322
00:20:12,987 --> 00:20:15,584
(Lindsay) Or whatever the
pacemaker says it can have.

323
00:20:15,594 --> 00:20:17,382
(Frank) Apparently,
they went to the same college.

324
00:20:17,393 --> 00:20:19,550
She was a senior
when he was a freshman.

325
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:21,857
Well, she's a senior again.

326
00:20:21,858 --> 00:20:23,786
(laughs)

327
00:20:23,786 --> 00:20:27,522
- Are you gonna say hello?
- Yep. Are you?

328
00:20:27,522 --> 00:20:29,859
Yep.
(clears throat)

329
00:20:29,860 --> 00:20:31,688
Have a nice time.

330
00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:35,983
(dance music playing
in background)

331
00:20:35,994 --> 00:20:37,192
(rap music begins playing)

332
00:20:37,193 --> 00:20:40,989
<i>♪ Everybody, everybody
Hands in the air ♪</i>

333
00:20:40,989 --> 00:20:42,857
<i>♪ We're rocking with the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

334
00:20:42,857 --> 00:20:44,994
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

335
00:20:50,489 --> 00:20:52,486
<i>♪ Rocking with the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

336
00:20:54,385 --> 00:20:55,483
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

337
00:20:55,494 --> 00:20:56,552
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

338
00:20:56,553 --> 00:21:00,349
(groans)

339
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:01,587
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

340
00:21:01,588 --> 00:21:03,556
<i>♪ Rocking with the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

341
00:21:03,556 --> 00:21:06,283
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

342
00:21:06,293 --> 00:21:12,616
<i>♪ Party will be rocking With
the beats That I'm dropping ♪</i>

343
00:21:12,627 --> 00:21:15,983
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

344
00:21:15,993 --> 00:21:17,761
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

345
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:22,027
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

346
00:21:34,385 --> 00:21:35,693
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

347
00:21:37,761 --> 00:21:38,849
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

348
00:21:38,860 --> 00:21:40,618
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

349
00:21:40,619 --> 00:21:43,885
- You okay?
- Nope. You?

350
00:21:43,885 --> 00:21:45,992
I'm all fucked up
and I always will be.

351
00:21:47,721 --> 00:21:52,725
You think anyone will notice
if I... go back to the hotel?

352
00:21:54,055 --> 00:21:55,024
Nope.

353
00:21:55,923 --> 00:21:56,852
Yeah.

354
00:21:58,421 --> 00:21:59,419
All right.

355
00:22:07,022 --> 00:22:08,350
(chuckles)

356
00:22:19,589 --> 00:22:22,486
Psst.

357
00:22:22,486 --> 00:22:26,891
(whispering) I mean, not to throw
stones, but he has a lot going on.

358
00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:30,687
I mean... I mean, I know
I have mine,

359
00:22:30,688 --> 00:22:33,055
but my father
never <i>shot</i> me.

360
00:22:33,056 --> 00:22:36,652
I don't think he ever
even touched a gun.

361
00:22:36,652 --> 00:22:40,887
I mean, there was that one time I
put those two boxes of Band-Aids

362
00:22:40,888 --> 00:22:45,823
on my doll and he,
like, barely patted me.

363
00:22:45,823 --> 00:22:48,550
Like, you couldn't
even call it a spanking.

364
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:53,754
It was like... He was
apologizing forever for it.

365
00:22:53,755 --> 00:22:54,993
And he still feels bad.

366
00:22:57,321 --> 00:23:00,417
I mean, seven floors.

367
00:23:00,418 --> 00:23:03,085
I wonder if there was more
floors he could of just gone up

368
00:23:03,085 --> 00:23:04,723
so he could die instantly.

369
00:23:05,753 --> 00:23:08,919
Not like...
(groans)

370
00:23:08,919 --> 00:23:10,956
Can you die... How many...

371
00:23:10,957 --> 00:23:13,024
I don't know. I guess
it depends on the building.

372
00:23:14,554 --> 00:23:15,922
Very, very...

373
00:23:15,922 --> 00:23:18,988
Just psychologically,
it's just interesting, but...

374
00:23:20,817 --> 00:23:22,854
(mutters, indistinct)

375
00:23:22,855 --> 00:23:24,723
(woman on TV)
<i>You don't think.</i>

376
00:23:24,723 --> 00:23:28,419
<i>He stole from me, from his
employer, from Katherine March.</i>

377
00:23:28,420 --> 00:23:31,726
(man on TV) <i>My wife... I mean
my former wife is correct.</i>

378
00:23:32,985 --> 00:23:34,323
<i>I really can paint.</i>

379
00:23:36,791 --> 00:23:39,348
<i>My copies were so bad
I had to destroy them.</i>

380
00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:40,857
(woman on TV)
<i>For God's sake, he's lying.</i>

381
00:23:43,524 --> 00:23:45,751
Because he's left-handed,
you idiot.

382
00:23:47,391 --> 00:23:49,958
(man on TV) <i>He told me
Miss March painted them.</i>

383
00:23:49,958 --> 00:23:51,616
- <i>In my expert opinion...</i>
- (TV clicks off)

384
00:23:51,626 --> 00:23:56,491
(same TV program
echoing faintly in next room)

385
00:24:04,084 --> 00:24:08,020
(man on TV) <i>He said he was going to fix
it when he left my place around 2:00 a.m.</i>

386
00:24:08,020 --> 00:24:11,086
<i>That's when I told him...</i>
(continues, indistinct)

387
00:24:11,087 --> 00:24:13,554
(man on TV continues) <i>So he
kills her with my ice pick.</i>

388
00:24:13,554 --> 00:24:16,381
(woman on TV) <i>And I heard her say,
"'Hello, Johnnie' before she hung up."</i>

389
00:24:16,391 --> 00:24:17,919
(man on TV)
<i>He was there all right.</i>

390
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:19,548
(woman on TV)
<i>Well, what I don't understand</i>

391
00:24:19,558 --> 00:24:20,786
<i>is this talk
about her being an artist.</i>

392
00:24:20,787 --> 00:24:22,385
<i>I never saw her paint.</i>

393
00:24:22,385 --> 00:24:24,422
(man on TV) <i>That was one
of her peculiar traits.</i>

394
00:24:24,423 --> 00:24:26,351
<i>She never let anyone
see her paint.</i>

395
00:24:46,821 --> 00:24:51,056
I would not have guessed, Frank, that you
were a man who enjoyed a foot massage.

396
00:24:51,056 --> 00:24:55,921
I'm not. When I saw the complimentary
chit in the wedding welcome basket,

397
00:24:55,921 --> 00:24:57,948
I thought, "I don't want that.

398
00:24:57,959 --> 00:25:00,016
I'm not comfortable with other
people touching my feet.

399
00:25:00,017 --> 00:25:02,414
I don't see why
it's necessary or good."

400
00:25:02,425 --> 00:25:04,452
Then why are you here?

401
00:25:04,453 --> 00:25:06,890
Because it's a $30 value,
and throwing it away

402
00:25:06,890 --> 00:25:08,947
would have bothered me
even more than this does.

403
00:25:08,958 --> 00:25:10,356
So, you're cheap.

404
00:25:10,357 --> 00:25:11,815
Oh, I'm way worse
than cheap,

405
00:25:11,825 --> 00:25:14,352
especially when it comes to free shit...
I hoard free shit.

406
00:25:14,353 --> 00:25:15,881
Especially
the gray-area free shit,

407
00:25:15,891 --> 00:25:19,017
like the nail files and disposable
slippers in the hotel room.

408
00:25:19,018 --> 00:25:20,686
"Gray area."

409
00:25:20,686 --> 00:25:22,683
I tell myself that they
want me to take it,

410
00:25:22,684 --> 00:25:24,382
that I'm intended
to take it.

411
00:25:24,383 --> 00:25:25,781
Do you take
the shoehorns?

412
00:25:25,791 --> 00:25:27,589
Not the long ones,
only the short ones.

413
00:25:27,589 --> 00:25:30,915
Well, that's not a gray area,
that's theft. You're a thief.

414
00:25:30,916 --> 00:25:34,382
Do you take the shampoo,
conditioner, and body wash?

415
00:25:34,383 --> 00:25:36,720
I used to, but then one
leaked in my suitcase.

416
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,387
Huh. What about the soaps?

417
00:25:39,387 --> 00:25:40,985
Not the round soaps
wrapped in paper.

418
00:25:40,986 --> 00:25:43,723
But the bigger ones,
in the boxes? Yes, I do.

419
00:25:43,723 --> 00:25:47,688
So, you're a minor person
with grubby hands.

420
00:25:47,689 --> 00:25:50,616
I don't understand how, even after
Keith did what he did to you,

421
00:25:50,616 --> 00:25:52,883
and even in the midst
of the shame of being here,

422
00:25:52,884 --> 00:25:55,381
you can possibly still
be mooning over him.

423
00:25:55,391 --> 00:25:56,889
That's because
you're a monkey

424
00:25:56,890 --> 00:25:59,387
who doesn't understand
the human condition.

425
00:25:59,387 --> 00:26:01,315
Having met you, I understand
why it's a condition.

426
00:26:01,325 --> 00:26:02,713
You don't stop
loving a person

427
00:26:02,724 --> 00:26:04,951
just because
they injure you.

428
00:26:04,952 --> 00:26:06,380
It helps.

429
00:26:06,390 --> 00:26:09,017
- Well, love is not rational.
- Clearly.

430
00:26:09,018 --> 00:26:10,856
But how could you
even like Keith?

431
00:26:10,856 --> 00:26:13,583
- I never said I liked him.
- Then how can you love him?

432
00:26:13,583 --> 00:26:15,580
Love has nothing
to do with like.

433
00:26:15,591 --> 00:26:18,917
- Healthy people would disagree.
- Healthy people are sick.

434
00:26:18,918 --> 00:26:22,384
Isn't there a part of you that just
wants to wish him well and move on?

435
00:26:22,384 --> 00:26:26,020
Mmm... Most of me wants him
to be found in an icy river.

436
00:26:26,020 --> 00:26:29,386
It makes no sense to want the
person you love to be dead.

437
00:26:29,387 --> 00:26:31,714
Because then you'd have no one
left to love except yourself.

438
00:26:31,725 --> 00:26:33,982
Which, in your case,
would be unrequited.

439
00:26:35,521 --> 00:26:39,047
- I really don't want him dead.
- Good.

440
00:26:39,057 --> 00:26:42,313
I want him to have a long life, during
which he is miserable every single day

441
00:26:42,324 --> 00:26:44,781
before slowly
dying of regret.

442
00:26:44,791 --> 00:26:47,688
There are seven billion people
in the world.

443
00:26:47,688 --> 00:26:49,785
So when one of them
behaves badly toward you,

444
00:26:49,786 --> 00:26:52,713
he's actually doing you a great
favor because he's saving you time.

445
00:26:52,723 --> 00:26:55,080
He's telling you that
he's not worth your while.

446
00:26:55,091 --> 00:26:57,548
He's freeing you to say,
"Thank you for the information.

447
00:26:57,549 --> 00:27:05,021
I will now move on to
the 6,999,999,999 other people,

448
00:27:05,021 --> 00:27:07,848
some of whom
may have some value."

449
00:27:07,858 --> 00:27:09,586
And is that what
you've done, Frank?

450
00:27:09,586 --> 00:27:11,913
Just sifted,
calmly and sensibly,

451
00:27:11,924 --> 00:27:15,380
through the entire population,
searching for your soul mate?

452
00:27:15,391 --> 00:27:18,517
No, I have opted out, which
makes me uniquely qualified

453
00:27:18,517 --> 00:27:20,415
to observe and comment
on your situation.

454
00:27:20,415 --> 00:27:21,883
Oh, I am so lucky.

455
00:27:23,452 --> 00:27:25,779
- It was a long time ago.
- Not an eternity.

456
00:27:25,790 --> 00:27:29,915
- You were both very young.
- Old enough to know right from wrong.

457
00:27:29,916 --> 00:27:32,313
Incidentally, I spoke
to the bride last night.

458
00:27:32,323 --> 00:27:35,419
Oh, she does not have the
sense God gave a toaster.

459
00:27:35,420 --> 00:27:38,686
She's a moron, and her breasts
were built on a medical bench.

460
00:27:38,687 --> 00:27:42,083
But she said to tell you that
she hopes you can be friends.

461
00:27:42,084 --> 00:27:43,752
You talked about me?

462
00:27:43,752 --> 00:27:45,420
She didn't give you
a lot of airtime.

463
00:27:45,420 --> 00:27:47,547
She has trouble
stringing sentences together.

464
00:27:47,548 --> 00:27:49,486
And she uses a lot
of personal pronouns,

465
00:27:49,486 --> 00:27:51,683
so you're not always quite sure
who she's talking about.

466
00:27:51,684 --> 00:27:53,552
Well done, Keith.

467
00:27:53,552 --> 00:27:57,587
But if it helps, she said
she's not threatened by you.

468
00:27:57,588 --> 00:28:00,555
Yes, that helps
tremendously.

469
00:28:00,555 --> 00:28:02,053
At least I think
she was talking about you.

470
00:28:02,053 --> 00:28:03,621
(sighs)

471
00:28:03,622 --> 00:28:07,687
She said "her." I'm pretty
sure she meant you.

472
00:28:07,688 --> 00:28:11,514
- Wow. What do you care anyway?
- I don't.

473
00:28:11,524 --> 00:28:14,481
I'm just trying to amuse myself
and get to tomorrow.

474
00:28:14,491 --> 00:28:16,848
Do you care
about anything?

475
00:28:18,617 --> 00:28:20,854
How many times in your life
have you been in love?

476
00:28:22,023 --> 00:28:23,781
Once.

477
00:28:23,781 --> 00:28:25,319
What was it like?

478
00:28:42,682 --> 00:28:45,718
How does anybody drink wine
at 11:00 in the morning?

479
00:28:45,719 --> 00:28:47,447
It's a winery, Frank.

480
00:28:47,448 --> 00:28:50,454
Haven't you ever given out a Car
of the Year award at 11:00?

481
00:28:50,455 --> 00:28:51,853
I can still taste toothpaste.

482
00:28:54,650 --> 00:28:57,587
- You were absolutely right.
- What did you say?

483
00:28:57,587 --> 00:29:00,454
A destination wedding
is presumptuous.

484
00:29:00,454 --> 00:29:02,681
"Please drag your carcass
hundreds of miles

485
00:29:02,682 --> 00:29:04,919
to excessively celebrate
our happiness."

486
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,487
Yeah. "Because our
wedding is so special,

487
00:29:07,487 --> 00:29:09,754
it needs to be
an epic imposition."

488
00:29:09,755 --> 00:29:13,381
"It's far too important to celebrate
in anybody's shit-ass hometown."

489
00:29:13,381 --> 00:29:17,386
"Or on one calendar day. So kindly
give up your entire weekend."

490
00:29:17,387 --> 00:29:20,413
"And spend a fuck-ton of your own
money, over and above the gift."

491
00:29:20,414 --> 00:29:22,511
I bet you loved
the minibar prices.

492
00:29:22,522 --> 00:29:23,850
It's like 80 cents
per cashew.

493
00:29:25,989 --> 00:29:27,687
(Frank) What's hilarious
is that these two

494
00:29:27,687 --> 00:29:30,354
have no idea they're
in a fool's paradise.

495
00:29:30,354 --> 00:29:32,411
You really think that?

496
00:29:32,422 --> 00:29:35,578
I've spent most of my life dodging the
shrapnel from my mother's marriages,

497
00:29:35,589 --> 00:29:39,015
both of which started
with smiles as big as theirs.

498
00:29:39,015 --> 00:29:40,953
Some marriages work out.

499
00:29:40,954 --> 00:29:43,451
Yes, and some people
have six fingers.

500
00:29:43,451 --> 00:29:45,448
So I'm guessing
you're single.

501
00:29:45,449 --> 00:29:47,586
I decided to learn
from my parents' mistakes.

502
00:29:47,587 --> 00:29:49,854
It's a form
of evolution.

503
00:29:49,855 --> 00:29:53,581
Yeah, but you can't blame people for
believing their own lives will be different.

504
00:29:53,581 --> 00:29:57,347
Yes, I can.
It's incredibly egotistical.

505
00:29:57,347 --> 00:30:00,813
It might help you to consider the
idea that heartbreak is pointless,

506
00:30:00,813 --> 00:30:02,511
because if you had
wound up with the person,

507
00:30:02,522 --> 00:30:05,349
eventually, you would've
been miserable anyway.

508
00:30:05,349 --> 00:30:07,416
Actually that does help,
thank you.

509
00:30:07,417 --> 00:30:09,984
No problem.

510
00:30:09,984 --> 00:30:12,881
But don't you believe there's
someone for everyone?

511
00:30:12,881 --> 00:30:14,349
Close.

512
00:30:14,350 --> 00:30:16,847
I believe that there's
nobody for anyone.

513
00:30:21,353 --> 00:30:24,449
(people chattering, laughing)

514
00:30:34,020 --> 00:30:37,486
I wish your mother and Howard's
corpse-friend were playing.

515
00:30:37,486 --> 00:30:41,312
They could try and dislodge
each other's tunnel catheters.

516
00:30:41,323 --> 00:30:43,320
Have you talked
to the corpse-friend?

517
00:30:43,321 --> 00:30:47,017
Briefly. She's dull, and she
needs a week at depilatory camp.

518
00:30:47,017 --> 00:30:50,353
- Maybe she's rich.
- I sure hope so.

519
00:30:50,353 --> 00:30:51,451
(man)
Get her!

520
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:55,478
Do you ever think
it's a crutch though,

521
00:30:55,488 --> 00:30:57,745
blaming your mother and
father for everything?

522
00:30:57,756 --> 00:30:59,514
When did crutches
get a bad name?

523
00:30:59,514 --> 00:31:01,082
When you have a broken leg,
you need a crutch.

524
00:31:01,083 --> 00:31:03,620
In fact, it would be stupid
not to have a crutch.

525
00:31:03,620 --> 00:31:05,917
Well, yeah,
but broken legs heal.

526
00:31:05,918 --> 00:31:08,315
I mean don't you have
a responsibility to yourself

527
00:31:08,315 --> 00:31:12,350
to eventually cast aside the
crutches and meet new challenges?

528
00:31:12,351 --> 00:31:14,618
If the parent-child bond
is diseased,

529
00:31:14,619 --> 00:31:18,784
you have a better chance of being a
sociopath than of being well-adjusted.

530
00:31:18,785 --> 00:31:20,782
I consider it a triumph
of the will

531
00:31:20,783 --> 00:31:24,349
that there aren't shallow graves
dotting my backyard.

532
00:31:24,349 --> 00:31:27,715
Besides, who are you to talk?

533
00:31:27,716 --> 00:31:32,051
Simple heartbreak like yours should be,
relatively speaking, a piece of cake to get over.

534
00:31:32,051 --> 00:31:33,979
Well, it's not.

535
00:31:33,989 --> 00:31:37,645
I'd rather be strong and ruined
than weak and ruined.

536
00:31:37,646 --> 00:31:40,583
I'm not weak.
I just have hope.

537
00:31:40,583 --> 00:31:42,511
That's the same thing.

538
00:31:42,521 --> 00:31:43,989
- (loud smack)
- (men laughing)

539
00:31:58,555 --> 00:32:02,511
How do you not install steps
or a pathway for this shit?

540
00:32:02,521 --> 00:32:04,678
They warned us. It was
in the Welcome Basket.

541
00:32:04,688 --> 00:32:06,685
This is a fucking
liability nightmare.

542
00:32:06,686 --> 00:32:08,953
That's right,
sue Keith again.

543
00:32:08,954 --> 00:32:11,011
Can't we just get the van
to drive us up?

544
00:32:11,022 --> 00:32:13,649
- We're going 90 feet.
- Well, the heels won't make it.

545
00:32:13,649 --> 00:32:15,646
Then take them off
until we get there.

546
00:32:15,647 --> 00:32:18,014
- I just got a foot massage.
- So?

547
00:32:18,015 --> 00:32:21,451
I'm not gonna show up at my
ex-fiancé's wedding with dirty feet.

548
00:32:21,451 --> 00:32:23,948
You can clean them off
at the grape wash.

549
00:32:23,949 --> 00:32:26,786
- Can't you just carry me, please?
- What?

550
00:32:26,786 --> 00:32:29,912
- I can't believe I have to ask.
- What?

551
00:32:29,913 --> 00:32:32,450
- It's 90 feet.
- How much do you weigh?

552
00:32:32,450 --> 00:32:34,677
- Frank.
- I don't want to shed my mortal coil.

553
00:32:34,688 --> 00:32:36,855
Well, if that happens,
you can put me down.

554
00:32:46,017 --> 00:32:48,484
- (Lindsay grunts)
- (Frank coughs)

555
00:32:48,484 --> 00:32:50,681
You have a high,
specific gravity.

556
00:32:50,682 --> 00:32:52,480
Yeah, dense bones.

557
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:54,647
Really deceptive avoirdupois.

558
00:32:54,648 --> 00:32:57,385
This is the slowest
I've ever been carried.

559
00:32:57,385 --> 00:32:58,953
Oh, dear God, be quiet.

560
00:32:58,954 --> 00:33:00,682
Can you just let me off
at the top though,

561
00:33:00,682 --> 00:33:02,709
so no one sees
that you carried me?

562
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:06,546
Why? Maybe Keith will get
jealous and rethink everything.

563
00:33:06,546 --> 00:33:08,683
Keith has
forgotten I'm here.

564
00:33:08,684 --> 00:33:09,982
(Frank grunting)

565
00:33:14,048 --> 00:33:14,987
(Frank)
Fuck me.

566
00:33:22,849 --> 00:33:26,015
(sighs)
It's 800 degrees.

567
00:33:26,016 --> 00:33:28,413
Why is the minister
in a seersucker suit?

568
00:33:28,414 --> 00:33:29,612
(Lindsay)
Because he's not a minister.

569
00:33:29,613 --> 00:33:30,981
He's Keith's friend
from college.

570
00:33:30,981 --> 00:33:32,849
Levy, I think his name is.

571
00:33:32,849 --> 00:33:34,946
- Kaplan?
- Kaplan, right.

572
00:33:34,947 --> 00:33:37,314
- Is he wearing makeup?
- Always.

573
00:33:37,315 --> 00:33:39,612
Usually
the Nars Radiant Creamy.

574
00:33:39,612 --> 00:33:41,480
If memory serves,
he's gay.

575
00:33:41,481 --> 00:33:45,676
The correct term is "Effeminate
American." And actually he's pansexual.

576
00:33:45,686 --> 00:33:47,084
What does that mean?

577
00:33:47,085 --> 00:33:49,013
He's attracted
to all genders,

578
00:33:49,013 --> 00:33:51,810
gender identities,
and sexual orientations.

579
00:33:51,820 --> 00:33:53,847
- Come on.
- I'm telling you.

580
00:33:53,848 --> 00:33:55,646
How'd he get the gig?

581
00:33:55,646 --> 00:33:57,384
He fucked the bride
and the groom.

582
00:33:57,385 --> 00:33:59,982
- Which was, like, no big deal.
- Vanilla.

583
00:33:59,982 --> 00:34:02,509
I mean, because he would fuck, for
example, a man who believes he's a woman?

584
00:34:02,519 --> 00:34:04,047
Absolutely.

585
00:34:04,048 --> 00:34:06,915
Or a straight woman who believes
she's actually a gay man?

586
00:34:06,915 --> 00:34:09,012
- Not a day goes by.
- What about hermaphrodites?

587
00:34:09,013 --> 00:34:10,581
(Lindsay)
You'd have to think.

588
00:34:10,581 --> 00:34:12,778
(Frank) They just let anyone
officiate at weddings?

589
00:34:12,779 --> 00:34:16,545
Not anyone. You need a credit
card and an Internet connection.

590
00:34:16,545 --> 00:34:19,881
- You researched this?
- Oh, I researched everything.

591
00:34:19,882 --> 00:34:21,850
I knew where
we would buy a house,

592
00:34:21,850 --> 00:34:24,846
where our kids would be born,
where they'd go to school.

593
00:34:24,847 --> 00:34:26,585
I knew where we'd be buried.

594
00:34:29,712 --> 00:34:32,748
Do you become a clergyman in
an online church of some sort?

595
00:34:32,749 --> 00:34:34,876
No, you can
just do weddings.

596
00:34:34,887 --> 00:34:36,984
- Not baptisms?
- No.

597
00:34:36,985 --> 00:34:40,011
- Funerals? Bar Mitzvahs?
- Just weddings.

598
00:34:40,011 --> 00:34:43,777
- How many believers does he have?
- No believers. No congregation.

599
00:34:43,788 --> 00:34:46,944
- Does his church preach that there's a heaven?
- Ain't got no church.

600
00:34:46,954 --> 00:34:50,650
Why would anyone have my
mother as the maid of honor?

601
00:34:50,651 --> 00:34:54,547
(Lindsay) I don't know. It's like having
the Grim Reaper at your CAT scan.

602
00:34:54,547 --> 00:34:58,443
If I had a nickel for every time she
said to me, "I am not your maid."

603
00:34:58,453 --> 00:35:02,079
- Was she born during the Great Depression?
- No, she caused it.

604
00:35:02,079 --> 00:35:04,516
- You know who I feel sorry for?
- Yourself?

605
00:35:04,517 --> 00:35:06,015
Anne's father.

606
00:35:06,015 --> 00:35:08,542
Why? He's the only one here
who wasn't married to my mother.

607
00:35:08,553 --> 00:35:13,747
Because once upon a time, he was the Most
Important Male Person In Anne's Life,

608
00:35:13,747 --> 00:35:16,714
the "M.P.I.A.L." if you will.

609
00:35:16,714 --> 00:35:19,011
I will, but only
if I have to.

610
00:35:19,012 --> 00:35:22,448
It's dangerous for a father
to pass that mantle.

611
00:35:22,449 --> 00:35:25,815
Just because he's Danish doesn't mean
he was fucking his own daughter.

612
00:35:25,815 --> 00:35:29,081
In a very real sense,
by virtue of cultivating

613
00:35:29,082 --> 00:35:33,477
a healthy, loving relationship with
her, showing her, day after day,

614
00:35:33,478 --> 00:35:35,985
year after year, how a good
man should comport himself,

615
00:35:35,985 --> 00:35:38,712
he's been preparing
her whole life for marriage.

616
00:35:38,712 --> 00:35:41,309
- To Keith.
- Exactly.

617
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:43,617
(Lindsay) That's the lamb to
the slaughter right there.

618
00:35:43,617 --> 00:35:47,083
She and her dad have been leading with
their chins, cruising for a bruising.

619
00:35:47,084 --> 00:35:49,311
Asking for it.
It's a total sucker play.

620
00:35:49,312 --> 00:35:50,810
Or so you've heard.

621
00:35:50,820 --> 00:35:53,017
There's a sucker that reaches
age of consent every minute.

622
00:35:53,018 --> 00:35:56,414
When Keith turns out to be
the mythic jerk that he is,

623
00:35:56,414 --> 00:35:59,980
all of her carefully curated
self-esteem will be destroyed,

624
00:35:59,981 --> 00:36:03,417
a father will have lost a
daughter, and where will she be?

625
00:36:04,486 --> 00:36:06,344
Right here
with the rest of us.

626
00:36:06,344 --> 00:36:09,710
(band playing ballad)

627
00:36:28,812 --> 00:36:30,510
I used to love this song.

628
00:36:31,849 --> 00:36:33,976
Do you want to dance?

629
00:36:33,986 --> 00:36:35,714
- I said "used to."
- Fine.

630
00:36:37,813 --> 00:36:40,410
- Why, do you want to dance?
- Of course not, I hate dancing.

631
00:36:40,410 --> 00:36:42,817
It's moronic and a
complete waste of time.

632
00:36:42,817 --> 00:36:45,614
You're not that busy.

633
00:36:45,615 --> 00:36:48,951
I just thought maybe you wanted to
dance to get your mind off things.

634
00:36:48,951 --> 00:36:51,078
I don't and it wouldn't.

635
00:36:51,079 --> 00:36:54,615
Fine. I said fine.

636
00:36:54,616 --> 00:36:56,584
Neither of us wants
to fucking dance.

637
00:36:59,051 --> 00:37:00,979
(guests whooping)

638
00:37:00,979 --> 00:37:04,445
I can't help but hope
Keith tears a hip muscle.

639
00:37:13,846 --> 00:37:15,714
Can we take a walk?

640
00:37:17,712 --> 00:37:20,249
(guests cheering, applauding)

641
00:37:42,547 --> 00:37:44,744
- (Frank) How are the shoes?
- (Lindsay) They're fine.

642
00:37:44,745 --> 00:37:47,012
I didn't really want to go through
the whole entire selection,

643
00:37:47,013 --> 00:37:50,549
but I have weird arches
on my mom's side.

644
00:37:50,549 --> 00:37:52,546
- So they're good.
- Yeah.

645
00:37:52,547 --> 00:37:54,075
Okay.

646
00:37:54,086 --> 00:37:56,513
You know after
the whole thing with Keith,

647
00:37:56,513 --> 00:38:00,478
- I was diagnosed with PTSD.
- Rich person's PTSD.

648
00:38:00,479 --> 00:38:03,446
- Privileged person's PTSD.
- Okay, I do know what you're saying.

649
00:38:03,446 --> 00:38:05,344
This is why people
hate the top one percent.

650
00:38:05,344 --> 00:38:08,081
- I am not the top one percent.
- Neither am I.

651
00:38:08,081 --> 00:38:11,447
When people talk about the top
one percent like it's home,

652
00:38:11,448 --> 00:38:12,916
it drives me fucking crazy.

653
00:38:12,916 --> 00:38:14,674
You know who's actually
in the top one percent

654
00:38:14,685 --> 00:38:16,583
are the assholes
that run the companies

655
00:38:16,583 --> 00:38:18,810
that I prosecute
and you reward.

656
00:38:18,811 --> 00:38:21,678
Top ten, top 20 percent,
whatever it is.

657
00:38:21,678 --> 00:38:23,845
The segment of society
that doesn't have to worry

658
00:38:23,845 --> 00:38:26,941
about basic things like food,
clothing, shelter, transportation,

659
00:38:26,952 --> 00:38:28,680
or getting shot
by the police.

660
00:38:28,681 --> 00:38:30,349
So we're not allowed
to have problems?

661
00:38:30,349 --> 00:38:32,516
We're allowed to have them, but
no one is interested in them.

662
00:38:32,517 --> 00:38:34,944
And I don't blame them,
I'm not even interested.

663
00:38:34,944 --> 00:38:37,980
We're trite, trivial,
tiresome, tone-deaf narcissists.

664
00:38:37,981 --> 00:38:40,648
I never said I wasn't
a tone-deaf narcissist.

665
00:38:40,648 --> 00:38:42,576
- The optics are very bad.
- Nobody's looking.

666
00:38:42,577 --> 00:38:43,915
We should keep our shit
to ourselves.

667
00:38:43,915 --> 00:38:46,042
We are keeping it
to ourselves.

668
00:38:46,043 --> 00:38:50,308
Besides, it's human nature to find pain in
any situation, however relatively fortunate.

669
00:38:50,309 --> 00:38:52,446
That doesn't
make it listenable.

670
00:38:52,447 --> 00:38:56,013
Well, I'm sorry if my brand of pain
is out of vogue, but it's all I got.

671
00:38:56,013 --> 00:38:58,580
It would be so much more
interesting and fantastic

672
00:38:58,580 --> 00:39:00,847
if we had been
fondled by priests

673
00:39:00,848 --> 00:39:03,775
or lost a leg but could
still feel it or something.

674
00:39:03,785 --> 00:39:05,543
(Lindsay laughs)

675
00:39:05,543 --> 00:39:09,339
(Lindsay) My theory about
myself is that my soma

676
00:39:09,350 --> 00:39:13,475
is sending me a Darwinian
message telling me,

677
00:39:13,485 --> 00:39:16,741
"Hey, you're unfit to pass your
DNA on to future generations,

678
00:39:16,752 --> 00:39:18,779
so you should just select out."

679
00:39:18,780 --> 00:39:21,547
Well, just keep doing
what you're doing.

680
00:39:21,547 --> 00:39:23,944
But I have
so much to give.

681
00:39:23,945 --> 00:39:25,583
Not really.

682
00:39:26,912 --> 00:39:29,609
(gasps) Holy shit, Frank.
What is that?

683
00:39:29,609 --> 00:39:31,347
- (growling)
- I think it's a mountain lion.

684
00:39:31,347 --> 00:39:34,613
- Could it be a jaguar?
- I don't know. I'm not a zookeeper.

685
00:39:34,614 --> 00:39:36,641
It's too big for an
ocelot or a bearcat,

686
00:39:36,642 --> 00:39:38,639
but too small
for a panther, I think.

687
00:39:38,650 --> 00:39:41,047
What the fuck difference does it make
what it is? It's a fucking predator cat.

688
00:39:41,047 --> 00:39:42,615
- A cougar, maybe?
- (cat snarling)

689
00:39:42,616 --> 00:39:44,713
- Jesus Christ.
- I don't know what you're worried about.

690
00:39:44,714 --> 00:39:46,412
- It's gonna go for me.
- Why?

691
00:39:46,412 --> 00:39:48,639
I saw a thing. They pick out
the smallest of the herd.

692
00:39:48,650 --> 00:39:49,978
We're not a herd,
we're wedding guests.

693
00:39:49,978 --> 00:39:52,005
I'm telling you,
you're safe if you just run.

694
00:39:52,016 --> 00:39:53,474
You run.
I'll stay here and fight.

695
00:39:53,485 --> 00:39:54,943
Uh, yeah,
but I'm not a sprinter.

696
00:39:54,943 --> 00:39:57,710
I run for distance, so it
gives me a certain clarity...

697
00:39:57,711 --> 00:39:59,349
- Yes, all right.
- (roars)

698
00:39:59,349 --> 00:40:00,677
You run.
I'll stay here and fight.

699
00:40:00,678 --> 00:40:02,915
How about if we both run
and nobody stays and fights?

700
00:40:02,915 --> 00:40:04,613
Neither one of us
can outrun a cheetah.

701
00:40:04,614 --> 00:40:06,412
It's not a fucking cheetah.
We're not in Africa.

702
00:40:06,412 --> 00:40:08,579
They're also in Iran,
I think it said.

703
00:40:08,580 --> 00:40:10,048
They won't even
hear us scream.

704
00:40:10,048 --> 00:40:11,846
I hate those
fucking people.

705
00:40:11,846 --> 00:40:14,443
- (snarling)
- On the plus side, you'll be ruining Keith's wedding.

706
00:40:14,444 --> 00:40:16,981
- That's true.
- Unless they don't find us for weeks.

707
00:40:16,981 --> 00:40:19,808
And then only in pieces, some of
which were brought back to its lair.

708
00:40:19,808 --> 00:40:21,446
(roaring)

709
00:40:21,447 --> 00:40:23,075
Last chance on the running.

710
00:40:23,075 --> 00:40:26,042
I can't believe you're the last human
person I'm ever gonna talk to.

711
00:40:26,042 --> 00:40:27,610
There might be EMTs.

712
00:40:27,610 --> 00:40:30,407
Yeah, but I might
be a hemophiliac.

713
00:40:30,418 --> 00:40:32,415
Might be?
Don't you know that already?

714
00:40:32,416 --> 00:40:36,381
Well, no, because you can get things
as an adult, like adult onset asthma.

715
00:40:36,382 --> 00:40:38,679
- My friend Suzanne has that...
- (hissing, hocking phlegm)

716
00:40:41,347 --> 00:40:42,975
- (hocking phlegm)
- (snarls)

717
00:40:42,975 --> 00:40:49,907
(hocking phlegm)

718
00:40:49,908 --> 00:40:51,546
- (roars)
- (hocking phlegm)

719
00:40:51,546 --> 00:40:53,414
(whimpers)

720
00:40:53,414 --> 00:40:54,512
(hocking phlegm)

721
00:40:54,513 --> 00:40:57,040
- Now we run!
- Oh!

722
00:40:57,051 --> 00:40:59,448
- That was good, Frank.
- My throat is really raw.

723
00:40:59,448 --> 00:41:00,846
(Lindsay) But why are
we still running?

724
00:41:00,847 --> 00:41:02,215
(Frank) Because I don't
think it's a bad idea

725
00:41:02,216 --> 00:41:05,043
to put as much distance between us
and the mountain lion as possible.

726
00:41:05,043 --> 00:41:06,541
(Lindsay) It might've
been a lynx!

727
00:41:06,541 --> 00:41:07,839
(Frank) It would be so
ironic if I strangled you.

728
00:41:07,850 --> 00:41:10,077
Why do you have to ruin
a nice moment!

729
00:41:10,078 --> 00:41:13,674
- (Lindsay) Ow!
- (Frank) Ah, fuck! Ah, fuck!

730
00:41:13,684 --> 00:41:16,740
- (Lindsay) Ow! Ow!
- (Frank) Fuck! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!

731
00:41:16,751 --> 00:41:18,009
(Frank) Ah!

732
00:41:20,317 --> 00:41:22,245
Okay. Oh.

733
00:41:25,082 --> 00:41:27,349
For the record,
you ruined the moment, not me.

734
00:41:30,747 --> 00:41:32,315
Lindsay?

735
00:41:33,644 --> 00:41:34,982
Lindsay?

736
00:41:37,350 --> 00:41:41,306
I'm fine!
For God's sake. Jesus.

737
00:41:41,316 --> 00:41:44,712
- Great.
- I just had the wind knocked out of me.

738
00:41:44,713 --> 00:41:46,611
Okay, good.

739
00:41:46,611 --> 00:41:49,947
It was good, because you didn't have
the first clue what you were doing.

740
00:41:49,947 --> 00:41:52,774
Hey, it's been a while
since health class.

741
00:41:52,774 --> 00:41:55,681
Yeah, well, if you thought
I had a cervical injury,

742
00:41:55,682 --> 00:41:57,979
the last thing you're supposed
to do is flip a person over

743
00:41:57,979 --> 00:41:59,907
like a fuckin' pancake.

744
00:41:59,907 --> 00:42:04,572
- I'm sorry.
- But on the other hand, you did save me.

745
00:42:04,583 --> 00:42:05,781
Us.

746
00:42:05,781 --> 00:42:08,508
I told you,
it would have gone for me.

747
00:42:08,509 --> 00:42:11,306
Why did you do that?
Why did you save me?

748
00:42:11,316 --> 00:42:12,015
I didn't save you.

749
00:42:13,414 --> 00:42:14,942
Why did you save me?

750
00:42:14,942 --> 00:42:16,480
Because I'm an idiot.

751
00:42:16,481 --> 00:42:19,877
- You could've died.
- Of idiocy.

752
00:42:19,877 --> 00:42:21,845
Don't tell me
you're secretly noble.

753
00:42:22,814 --> 00:42:24,012
I'm not.

754
00:42:24,013 --> 00:42:25,371
But I thought,
"Maybe she's right.

755
00:42:25,382 --> 00:42:26,740
Maybe hers
is the life in danger.

756
00:42:26,750 --> 00:42:29,447
She seems to know
fuckin' everything."

757
00:42:29,447 --> 00:42:32,913
And I didn't want to feel guilty for the
rest of my life about not having saved you.

758
00:42:32,914 --> 00:42:34,542
I get that.

759
00:42:34,542 --> 00:42:38,308
- I didn't want to think of myself as selfish.
- Frank.

760
00:42:38,308 --> 00:42:42,413
As <i>that</i> selfish. Not on top of everything
else I already think about myself.

761
00:42:42,414 --> 00:42:44,711
Copy you.

762
00:42:44,712 --> 00:42:47,309
'Cause it's not like
I have so much to live for.

763
00:42:47,309 --> 00:42:49,476
Yeah, well,
that's true.

764
00:42:50,816 --> 00:42:52,314
Well, anyway, thank you.

765
00:42:59,447 --> 00:43:01,045
What the fuck, Frank?

766
00:43:01,046 --> 00:43:02,674
I'm sorry.
I don't know what that was.

767
00:43:02,674 --> 00:43:04,941
Neither do I,
for fuck's sake. Jesus.

768
00:43:08,808 --> 00:43:10,905
- Goddamn it!
- I'm sorry.

769
00:43:10,916 --> 00:43:13,483
- What is wrong with you?
- I don't know.

770
00:43:19,077 --> 00:43:20,675
What the fuck?

771
00:43:20,676 --> 00:43:21,974
Let's just...
Come on.

772
00:43:24,712 --> 00:43:25,681
Mmm.

773
00:43:28,648 --> 00:43:30,845
- (groans)
- Can't... Just put it on...

774
00:43:33,543 --> 00:43:35,511
I'm sorry.

775
00:43:35,511 --> 00:43:38,847
(panting) I'm sorry,
it's just very difficult

776
00:43:38,847 --> 00:43:41,744
for me to give myself over to
any sort of positive activity.

777
00:43:41,744 --> 00:43:45,010
Yeah.
Especially this one.

778
00:43:45,011 --> 00:43:47,038
It makes me think about how
long I've gone without it,

779
00:43:47,049 --> 00:43:49,007
which makes me
want to kill myself.

780
00:43:49,007 --> 00:43:52,373
Yeah, well, I've been pretty
sure for a very long time

781
00:43:52,374 --> 00:43:54,841
that life is essentially
a horrible experience,

782
00:43:54,841 --> 00:43:56,809
and I really don't need
this kind of confusion.

783
00:43:56,809 --> 00:43:58,607
- And pressure.
- Yeah.

784
00:43:58,607 --> 00:43:59,775
I mean, if it all sucks,
then fuck it,

785
00:43:59,776 --> 00:44:02,812
but if it doesn't all suck,
then there's so much pressure.

786
00:44:02,813 --> 00:44:04,511
Yeah.

787
00:44:04,511 --> 00:44:06,878
God, do you even know
how long it's been

788
00:44:06,879 --> 00:44:10,545
since I've been touched with
affection by another human being?

789
00:44:10,545 --> 00:44:12,712
How about without affection?

790
00:44:12,713 --> 00:44:14,571
(sighs)
Nearly as long.

791
00:44:14,581 --> 00:44:18,507
I tell you right now, I haven't
felt pleasure since about 2006.

792
00:44:18,507 --> 00:44:20,904
Sometimes, I feel
the absence of pain,

793
00:44:20,915 --> 00:44:23,372
which at this point
feels like pleasure,

794
00:44:23,372 --> 00:44:25,839
or at least pleasure's
little cousin.

795
00:44:26,779 --> 00:44:28,407
I don't have protection.

796
00:44:28,407 --> 00:44:29,545
Well, why would you?

797
00:44:29,546 --> 00:44:31,903
I mean, why would you
have a condom today?

798
00:44:31,914 --> 00:44:34,471
What are the odds?
Astronomical.

799
00:44:34,481 --> 00:44:37,607
- What if you got pregnant?
- I'm sure my womb is hostile.

800
00:44:37,608 --> 00:44:40,345
Having sex right now
would be irresponsible.

801
00:44:40,345 --> 00:44:42,003
Well, who cares?

802
00:44:42,014 --> 00:44:44,341
I mean, how much worse
can things get?

803
00:44:45,810 --> 00:44:47,738
- Okay.
- Yeah?

804
00:44:47,748 --> 00:44:48,846
Okay.

805
00:45:00,775 --> 00:45:02,413
Okay.

806
00:45:02,413 --> 00:45:05,479
- (sighs)
- Okay.

807
00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:07,038
Okay.

808
00:45:07,048 --> 00:45:09,405
All right.

809
00:45:09,406 --> 00:45:10,774
(clears throat)

810
00:45:10,775 --> 00:45:13,682
(groans)
Yeah, yeah, yeah...

811
00:45:22,942 --> 00:45:23,881
Okay.

812
00:45:27,478 --> 00:45:28,536
How's that?

813
00:45:28,547 --> 00:45:29,905
That's fine.

814
00:45:29,905 --> 00:45:32,342
(groans)

815
00:45:32,343 --> 00:45:35,339
Do you think the mountain lion
will be attracted to the musk?

816
00:45:35,340 --> 00:45:37,308
I think it was a puma.

817
00:45:37,308 --> 00:45:38,406
(groans)

818
00:45:38,407 --> 00:45:39,805
How is it now?

819
00:45:39,805 --> 00:45:43,571
It feels strange
yet pleasantly familiar,

820
00:45:43,581 --> 00:45:47,007
kind of like coming off a long
diet or going back to smoking.

821
00:45:48,946 --> 00:45:50,744
How about now?

822
00:45:50,744 --> 00:45:52,572
Do you have
any diseases?

823
00:45:52,572 --> 00:45:53,910
Of course not.

824
00:45:53,911 --> 00:45:55,908
I missed every
possible sexual revolution.

825
00:45:55,909 --> 00:45:58,536
The first one,
the one after Tinder,

826
00:45:58,546 --> 00:46:01,073
- the one after Caitlyn Jenner...
- Me, too.

827
00:46:01,074 --> 00:46:04,041
(both moaning)

828
00:46:04,041 --> 00:46:05,679
Crabs.

829
00:46:05,679 --> 00:46:07,607
You have crabs?

830
00:46:07,607 --> 00:46:08,945
No, actual crabs.

831
00:46:08,946 --> 00:46:10,504
Over there.

832
00:46:10,514 --> 00:46:12,711
Those aren't crabs,
those are tarantulas.

833
00:46:12,712 --> 00:46:13,810
They look like crabs.

834
00:46:13,811 --> 00:46:14,909
No, they don't.

835
00:46:14,910 --> 00:46:17,407
And besides,
they don't attack humans.

836
00:46:17,407 --> 00:46:18,845
Now you're just
making shit up.

837
00:46:18,846 --> 00:46:21,373
Oh, yes, for the thrill
of fucking you.

838
00:46:21,373 --> 00:46:23,640
- Let's get it over with.
- Fine.

839
00:46:23,641 --> 00:46:27,736
(both moaning)

840
00:46:27,747 --> 00:46:30,943
My mother used to tell me to always
use two condoms when you have sex.

841
00:46:30,944 --> 00:46:32,672
The second one
always had to be bigger.

842
00:46:32,672 --> 00:46:35,339
- It looked like a wind sock.
- That's so stupid.

843
00:46:35,339 --> 00:46:38,076
Each condom would cause
the other one to break.

844
00:46:38,076 --> 00:46:41,072
A fact discovered, astraddle,
in the summer after 12th grade,

845
00:46:41,073 --> 00:46:44,669
by a nice girl named Auden
who had no quarrel with anyone.

846
00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:46,578
She ran screaming
from our rec room.

847
00:46:46,578 --> 00:46:48,905
Of course, you had sex
in your rec room.

848
00:46:48,905 --> 00:46:50,942
We had a Nutone intercom system.

849
00:46:50,943 --> 00:46:53,470
The master control
was in the kitchen.

850
00:46:53,481 --> 00:46:56,537
My parents could listen and talk to
any room in the house from there.

851
00:46:56,538 --> 00:46:59,505
- I used to call the kitchen "The Eagle's Nest."
- (moans)

852
00:46:59,505 --> 00:47:00,943
When my father heard
Auden wailing,

853
00:47:00,943 --> 00:47:03,340
he screamed
through the intercom,

854
00:47:03,341 --> 00:47:05,538
"What the fuck
is going on down there?"

855
00:47:05,539 --> 00:47:06,577
I said what happened.

856
00:47:06,578 --> 00:47:08,076
There was a pause,

857
00:47:08,076 --> 00:47:10,773
and then my mother said,
"Dinner's ready."

858
00:47:10,773 --> 00:47:12,671
Your mother cooked?

859
00:47:12,671 --> 00:47:14,539
On the off-chance
that we are making a baby,

860
00:47:14,540 --> 00:47:15,808
do you want a boy
or a girl?

861
00:47:15,808 --> 00:47:17,835
You're asking me this now?

862
00:47:17,846 --> 00:47:19,943
I'm killing time.

863
00:47:19,944 --> 00:47:22,441
Uh, a boy.

864
00:47:22,442 --> 00:47:25,369
(sniffs) My mother actually told
me there's a way to get a boy.

865
00:47:25,379 --> 00:47:27,436
- Oh, this ought to be good.
- Yeah.

866
00:47:27,446 --> 00:47:31,671
At the moment of climax, just
shout out, "Oh, boy! Oh, boy!"

867
00:47:31,672 --> 00:47:34,409
(laughs) Can we please stop
talking about your mother.

868
00:47:34,409 --> 00:47:36,536
But I don't know why
you'd possibly want a boy,

869
00:47:36,537 --> 00:47:37,975
considering, you know,

870
00:47:37,976 --> 00:47:40,803
the baseline quality of
your relationships with men.

871
00:47:40,813 --> 00:47:42,810
Oh. What, revenge?

872
00:47:42,811 --> 00:47:45,078
(both groaning)

873
00:47:45,079 --> 00:47:47,506
Oh, Jesus, Frank!

874
00:47:47,506 --> 00:47:50,443
Jesus effing Christ!

875
00:47:50,443 --> 00:47:52,970
(moaning loudly)

876
00:47:52,981 --> 00:47:55,638
Oh, God, you look like
you're gonna throw up!

877
00:47:55,638 --> 00:47:57,675
Why would I?
You're a very attractive woman.

878
00:47:57,676 --> 00:47:59,504
Not from that.

879
00:47:59,504 --> 00:48:00,742
Oh, right,
sorry.

880
00:48:00,743 --> 00:48:02,041
Oh, God!

881
00:48:02,042 --> 00:48:04,439
No!
No, no, no, no!

882
00:48:04,439 --> 00:48:06,307
- No?
- No, not "no."

883
00:48:06,307 --> 00:48:07,735
I'm just
a very negative person.

884
00:48:07,746 --> 00:48:08,874
Okay.

885
00:48:08,875 --> 00:48:10,872
I'm expressing
incredulity!

886
00:48:10,873 --> 00:48:12,671
- Got it.
- (screams)

887
00:48:12,671 --> 00:48:14,069
- No!
- Ah!

888
00:48:14,079 --> 00:48:16,676
No! No! No!
No! No!

889
00:48:16,677 --> 00:48:18,774
Oh, boy!
Oh, boy!

890
00:48:18,775 --> 00:48:20,503
Oh, boy!

891
00:48:20,513 --> 00:48:24,469
Yeah!
Oh, boy!

892
00:48:24,479 --> 00:48:28,574
(both moaning)

893
00:48:30,673 --> 00:48:32,471
Anytime, pal.

894
00:48:32,471 --> 00:48:33,809
Can you not talk right now?

895
00:48:33,809 --> 00:48:35,307
Fine.

896
00:48:35,308 --> 00:48:37,775
- It's gonna get cold out.
- No, it won't.

897
00:48:37,775 --> 00:48:40,042
Yes, it will.
It's the Paso Robles Diurnal.

898
00:48:40,043 --> 00:48:42,740
There's
sweeping wind temperatures.

899
00:48:42,740 --> 00:48:44,668
Don't you know anything
about meteorology?

900
00:48:44,678 --> 00:48:46,705
No! (groans)

901
00:48:46,706 --> 00:48:48,973
Oh, God. Kelp.

902
00:48:48,974 --> 00:48:50,902
- Help?
- No, kelp.

903
00:48:50,912 --> 00:48:53,509
There's kelp at
or near my vagina.

904
00:48:53,510 --> 00:48:55,877
Oh, that's grass.
We're in grass.

905
00:48:55,877 --> 00:48:57,435
How is that better?

906
00:48:57,446 --> 00:48:59,443
You put the ocean in my head
with the fucking crabs.

907
00:48:59,444 --> 00:49:02,510
(moaning loudly)

908
00:49:02,510 --> 00:49:08,803
(yelling)

909
00:49:08,804 --> 00:49:11,701
(purring)

910
00:49:11,711 --> 00:49:16,436
(continues moaning)

911
00:49:20,043 --> 00:49:21,611
(moans)

912
00:49:25,407 --> 00:49:28,403
(breathes heavily)

913
00:49:28,404 --> 00:49:29,642
What?

914
00:49:29,643 --> 00:49:31,311
I had a purse.

915
00:49:37,046 --> 00:49:38,974
(Lindsay)
Do you want a drink?

916
00:49:38,974 --> 00:49:42,010
I want all the drinks poured
directly down my gullet.

917
00:49:42,011 --> 00:49:44,978
Why don't we go to your room
and crack open your minibar?

918
00:49:44,978 --> 00:49:46,476
Why don't we
go to your room

919
00:49:46,476 --> 00:49:48,943
and crack open
your goddamn minibar?

920
00:49:48,944 --> 00:49:51,541
Frank.
We're alive.

921
00:49:51,541 --> 00:49:53,439
What does that have
to do with anything?

922
00:50:04,308 --> 00:50:07,035
(Lindsay)
<i>♪ Oh, Danny boy, the pipes ♪</i>

923
00:50:07,045 --> 00:50:10,541
(both singing)
<i>♪ The pipes are calling ♪</i>

924
00:50:10,542 --> 00:50:13,069
- (Lindsay) <i>♪ From glen to glen ♪</i>
- (Frank) <i>♪ From glen ♪</i>

925
00:50:13,079 --> 00:50:16,505
(together)
<i>♪ And down the mountainside ♪</i>

926
00:50:16,506 --> 00:50:18,673
- (Frank) How do you know the words to this?
- (Lindsay) Come on.

927
00:50:18,674 --> 00:50:20,372
<i>♪ The summer's gone ♪</i>

928
00:50:20,372 --> 00:50:21,870
(Frank) <i>♪ Summer's
gone And all the... ♪</i>

929
00:50:21,870 --> 00:50:24,007
(Lindsay)
<i>♪ Flowers are dy... ♪</i>

930
00:50:24,008 --> 00:50:25,676
(Frank) <i>♪ Dying ♪</i>

931
00:50:25,676 --> 00:50:28,672
(Lindsay) <i>♪ 'Tis you,
'tis you Must go ♪</i>

932
00:50:28,673 --> 00:50:31,969
- <i>♪ And I must bide... ♪</i>
- (Frank) What?

933
00:50:31,970 --> 00:50:33,908
(Lindsay)
<i>♪ But come ye back ♪</i>

934
00:50:33,908 --> 00:50:35,536
(woman on TV)
<i>But at some point,</i>

935
00:50:35,537 --> 00:50:37,974
<i>don't you think it just starts
to look a little ridiculous?</i>

936
00:50:37,974 --> 00:50:41,370
<i>Think about it, this guy was formally
the head of the committee...</i>

937
00:50:41,371 --> 00:50:43,608
(Lindsay)
"Formerly," not "form-ally."

938
00:50:43,608 --> 00:50:45,236
I know, it's appalling.

939
00:50:46,605 --> 00:50:48,672
Seriously, the chocolate?

940
00:50:48,673 --> 00:50:51,869
We're not going to drink without eating.
Alcoholics do that.

941
00:50:51,870 --> 00:50:53,738
The chocolate
is the most expensive thing

942
00:50:53,738 --> 00:50:55,076
in the minibar
besides the...

943
00:50:55,077 --> 00:50:57,374
- (wine cork pops)
- wine.

944
00:50:57,374 --> 00:50:59,401
Would you rather we had
ordered room service?

945
00:50:59,402 --> 00:51:00,700
Definitely not.

946
00:51:00,711 --> 00:51:02,708
I spoke to the front desk.

947
00:51:02,709 --> 00:51:05,536
They add a delivery fee,
a 17 percent gratuity,

948
00:51:05,536 --> 00:51:08,473
and some sort of fuckin' cover
charge, like we're in Italy.

949
00:51:08,473 --> 00:51:12,009
I've always wondered why
they give you two glasses

950
00:51:12,010 --> 00:51:13,808
even when
you're traveling alone.

951
00:51:13,808 --> 00:51:16,535
Because one
would be so sad.

952
00:51:16,535 --> 00:51:17,973
Here's to...
What?

953
00:51:17,974 --> 00:51:19,572
- Please.
- (glasses clink)

954
00:51:33,678 --> 00:51:35,975
It's not hashish.

955
00:51:35,976 --> 00:51:38,603
I'm not wearing anything
under my pajamas.

956
00:51:38,603 --> 00:51:40,401
Why would you?
They're so alluring.

957
00:51:40,411 --> 00:51:43,437
I didn't think I was gonna
be intimate this weekend.

958
00:51:43,438 --> 00:51:44,806
Or any weekend.

959
00:51:44,807 --> 00:51:47,004
Superman couldn't see
through those pajamas.

960
00:51:47,004 --> 00:51:48,372
So you tried.

961
00:51:48,373 --> 00:51:50,970
People have jousted
in lighter clothing.

962
00:51:50,970 --> 00:51:53,007
- Frank?
- Present.

963
00:51:53,008 --> 00:51:55,935
When you said before that
I was an attractive woman,

964
00:51:55,945 --> 00:51:57,573
what did you mean?

965
00:51:57,574 --> 00:51:59,302
What do you mean
what did I mean?

966
00:51:59,302 --> 00:52:01,339
You're an attractive woman.
You're physically appealing.

967
00:52:01,340 --> 00:52:02,738
Can you be more specific?

968
00:52:04,437 --> 00:52:07,743
Your facial features
subscribe to the Golden Ratio.

969
00:52:07,743 --> 00:52:09,401
What?

970
00:52:09,402 --> 00:52:12,408
One to the quantity one half
times radical five plus one.

971
00:52:12,409 --> 00:52:13,767
The Golden Ratio.

972
00:52:13,777 --> 00:52:15,335
You can tell that?

973
00:52:15,336 --> 00:52:16,934
It's an estimate.

974
00:52:16,944 --> 00:52:19,371
And you have
The Folds of Aphrodite.

975
00:52:19,372 --> 00:52:21,569
What are the Folds
of Aphrodite?

976
00:52:21,569 --> 00:52:23,566
That's the name of the
particular, graceful way

977
00:52:23,577 --> 00:52:24,935
that the cheeks
of beautiful women

978
00:52:24,936 --> 00:52:27,573
arrange themselves
when they smile.

979
00:52:27,573 --> 00:52:30,969
There's a gentle creasing
that begins at the cheekbone

980
00:52:30,970 --> 00:52:33,867
and runs downward,
in a slightly arced diagonal,

981
00:52:33,877 --> 00:52:37,073
directing the eye
to the mouth.

982
00:52:37,074 --> 00:52:39,301
It's aesthetically thrilling.

983
00:52:41,469 --> 00:52:44,975
Well...
I've never heard the term

984
00:52:44,976 --> 00:52:46,804
"Folds of Aphrodite."

985
00:52:46,804 --> 00:52:48,572
I coined it.

986
00:52:48,572 --> 00:52:50,500
Then it's not a real thing.

987
00:52:50,510 --> 00:52:52,967
Then it and you
are bullshit.

988
00:52:52,978 --> 00:52:55,705
I googled around and there was
no name for it so I coined it.

989
00:52:55,705 --> 00:52:58,572
- It's established now.
- Bullshit.

990
00:52:58,572 --> 00:53:02,068
In my experience, there's at least a 90
percent correlation between beautiful women

991
00:53:02,069 --> 00:53:04,776
- and women who have The Folds of Aphrodite.
- Oh...

992
00:53:04,776 --> 00:53:07,703
The Folds cut across races
and ethnicities.

993
00:53:07,703 --> 00:53:09,301
What else about me?

994
00:53:10,370 --> 00:53:11,638
Well...

995
00:53:11,639 --> 00:53:15,774
(sighs)

996
00:53:15,775 --> 00:53:17,533
you're slender,

997
00:53:17,543 --> 00:53:20,300
but not to the point of a
troubled relationship with food.

998
00:53:20,310 --> 00:53:22,437
That's actionable profiling,
right there.

999
00:53:22,438 --> 00:53:24,435
File a grievance.

1000
00:53:24,436 --> 00:53:27,872
And your curves are very
sexy but not vulgar.

1001
00:53:27,872 --> 00:53:29,869
Everything very much
in proportion,

1002
00:53:29,870 --> 00:53:32,037
firm but not overly,

1003
00:53:32,038 --> 00:53:35,404
which I've always found
weird and prepossessing.

1004
00:53:35,405 --> 00:53:38,571
Your arms bespeak physical
fitness and athleticism,

1005
00:53:38,572 --> 00:53:40,370
but nothing sapphic.

1006
00:53:40,370 --> 00:53:43,506
- (scoffs)
- And your ankles quietly aver

1007
00:53:43,507 --> 00:53:46,573
that you will keep your body
well into later age.

1008
00:53:46,574 --> 00:53:49,670
(scoffs) It's despicable
the way men look at women.

1009
00:53:49,670 --> 00:53:54,435
In short, you are beautiful,
graceful, and elegant.

1010
00:53:55,944 --> 00:53:59,500
Also, you don't dress
in an overtly sexy way.

1011
00:53:59,511 --> 00:54:01,668
You seem to understand
that dressing sexy

1012
00:54:01,668 --> 00:54:04,465
is actually the opposite
of being sexy,

1013
00:54:04,476 --> 00:54:06,703
that certain information
should have to be earned,

1014
00:54:06,703 --> 00:54:08,571
rather than given away
for free

1015
00:54:08,571 --> 00:54:11,468
to anyone and everyone
who passeth by your doorstep.

1016
00:54:11,468 --> 00:54:13,635
(scoffs)
If this were 1732.

1017
00:54:13,636 --> 00:54:15,004
I'm giving you
a compliment.

1018
00:54:15,005 --> 00:54:16,503
You're calling me
a prude.

1019
00:54:16,503 --> 00:54:18,640
I'm suggesting that
you've taken the high road.

1020
00:54:18,641 --> 00:54:20,798
Even in this flagrant,
flaunting day and age,

1021
00:54:20,809 --> 00:54:23,036
you have chosen
to preserve the mystery.

1022
00:54:23,037 --> 00:54:27,742
Yes, the pajamas go too far,
but I applaud the ethos.

1023
00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:32,337
- Would you like to know about you?
- No.

1024
00:54:32,337 --> 00:54:33,575
Yes, you would.

1025
00:54:35,534 --> 00:54:37,472
You're very handsome.

1026
00:54:37,472 --> 00:54:40,468
You have powerful eyes.

1027
00:54:40,469 --> 00:54:43,465
Your hair
will never be a problem.

1028
00:54:43,476 --> 00:54:46,572
The corners
of your mouth touch

1029
00:54:46,573 --> 00:54:50,968
but do not cross the vertical
lines which bisect your eyes.

1030
00:54:50,969 --> 00:54:54,335
In profile, your chin extends
exactly the same as your lower lip,

1031
00:54:54,335 --> 00:54:56,303
which is an ideal.

1032
00:54:56,303 --> 00:55:01,337
Bodily, you feel strong and
substantial, sinuous but not wiry.

1033
00:55:01,338 --> 00:55:03,066
Sartorially,
you get high marks.

1034
00:55:03,076 --> 00:55:04,804
You tuck in your shirts
because you realize

1035
00:55:04,805 --> 00:55:07,841
that tails out is
a ridiculous way to dress.

1036
00:55:07,842 --> 00:55:10,739
You wear your pants low, and
your shoes are legitimate.

1037
00:55:10,739 --> 00:55:14,804
And you have
a beautiful penis.

1038
00:55:14,805 --> 00:55:16,503
I do?

1039
00:55:16,503 --> 00:55:17,971
Oh, come on, Frank.

1040
00:55:17,971 --> 00:55:20,838
Surely people have told you
that your entire life.

1041
00:55:22,007 --> 00:55:23,405
No.

1042
00:55:23,406 --> 00:55:25,733
Well, it's very nice.

1043
00:55:25,743 --> 00:55:27,401
It's straight,

1044
00:55:27,402 --> 00:55:29,939
and you would not believe how
epidemic a problem that is.

1045
00:55:29,939 --> 00:55:33,735
Also,
it's balletically formed.

1046
00:55:33,735 --> 00:55:39,039
It's not so big as to ever
be a cause for concern,

1047
00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:42,736
but it's big enough never to be
the object of ridicule or scorn.

1048
00:55:42,736 --> 00:55:45,732
You're in
a very sweet spot there.

1049
00:55:45,743 --> 00:55:48,570
Are you saying that Keith's
penis is not straight?

1050
00:55:48,570 --> 00:55:52,366
Can you imagine that we would
have gone this entire weekend

1051
00:55:52,367 --> 00:55:54,774
without saying these
things to each other?

1052
00:55:54,774 --> 00:55:57,431
- "Balletically formed"?
- That's right.

1053
00:55:57,441 --> 00:56:00,937
(sighs) People are
ridiculous and pathetic.

1054
00:56:00,938 --> 00:56:04,004
Animals, that's all.

1055
00:56:04,005 --> 00:56:07,841
We want to believe that there's some
high-minded, cosmic meaning behind love,

1056
00:56:07,841 --> 00:56:09,539
but the truth is
we're drawn to,

1057
00:56:09,539 --> 00:56:11,467
and make most of our
decisions based upon,

1058
00:56:11,467 --> 00:56:15,702
shapes we find appealing,
and colors and textures

1059
00:56:15,703 --> 00:56:19,369
and smells and tastes
and spatial relations.

1060
00:56:19,369 --> 00:56:21,766
It's so stupid.

1061
00:56:21,767 --> 00:56:23,964
This is pretty good.

1062
00:56:23,975 --> 00:56:26,032
I mean, when I think about
what people look like

1063
00:56:26,043 --> 00:56:29,669
when they kiss or have sex,
I want to vomit.

1064
00:56:29,669 --> 00:56:31,567
You almost did vomit.

1065
00:56:31,567 --> 00:56:35,333
I mean, there's nothing beautiful
or transcendent about being human.

1066
00:56:35,333 --> 00:56:37,840
Ultimately,
it's just a filthy business

1067
00:56:37,841 --> 00:56:41,537
of a revolting species
trying to survive.

1068
00:56:41,537 --> 00:56:44,364
I mean, if you've ever really
watched another person eat,

1069
00:56:44,374 --> 00:56:46,501
or seen yourself in a mirror
taking a shit,

1070
00:56:46,502 --> 00:56:49,369
or walked through
South Coast Plaza,

1071
00:56:49,369 --> 00:56:51,366
you know exactly
what I'm talking about.

1072
00:56:51,367 --> 00:56:54,004
But I had my eyes open
when I was fucking you,

1073
00:56:54,004 --> 00:56:55,902
and I thought we must
have looked pretty good.

1074
00:56:55,902 --> 00:56:58,839
My father thought
he had a good golf swing.

1075
00:56:58,839 --> 00:57:00,037
(laughs)

1076
00:57:00,038 --> 00:57:01,336
Wait.

1077
00:57:02,436 --> 00:57:04,064
(clears throat)

1078
00:57:04,074 --> 00:57:06,771
Do a groove chew.

1079
00:57:06,771 --> 00:57:08,599
I'm sorry?

1080
00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:10,597
It's a style
of chewing used

1081
00:57:10,608 --> 00:57:12,406
when you're really
enjoying something

1082
00:57:12,406 --> 00:57:14,473
that you don't have
very often.

1083
00:57:14,474 --> 00:57:15,972
Like this.
(clears throat)

1084
00:57:18,470 --> 00:57:19,468
Mm!

1085
00:57:20,907 --> 00:57:21,836
Mm!

1086
00:57:24,733 --> 00:57:26,970
- This is a thing?
- I coined it.

1087
00:57:26,971 --> 00:57:29,338
And you're not embarrassed?

1088
00:57:29,339 --> 00:57:30,967
All right, just come on.
Just try.

1089
00:57:34,473 --> 00:57:35,801
- Mmm...
- Mm.

1090
00:57:35,802 --> 00:57:38,299
- Mmm!
- Mmm-mm!

1091
00:57:45,003 --> 00:57:47,470
- Can you groove swallow?
- You can.

1092
00:57:47,470 --> 00:57:49,567
- Can we groove swallow now?
- Okay, fine.

1093
00:57:50,707 --> 00:57:52,575
(both swallow loudly)

1094
00:58:04,933 --> 00:58:06,031
(mutters)

1095
00:58:06,042 --> 00:58:07,740
- Huh?
- Uh...

1096
00:58:13,974 --> 00:58:16,301
(man on TV) <i>I remember the
first time I ever saw you.</i>

1097
00:58:17,470 --> 00:58:18,998
<i>It was a partial nephrectomy.</i>

1098
00:58:18,998 --> 00:58:22,404
<i>You were standing in for Dr.
Sumner who had an emergency.</i>

1099
00:58:23,904 --> 00:58:25,632
<i>With your cap and mask,</i>

1100
00:58:25,632 --> 00:58:27,699
<i>all I could see
were your eyes.</i>

1101
00:58:29,338 --> 00:58:30,836
<i>And I remember thinking...</i>

1102
00:58:31,806 --> 00:58:33,304
<i>thank God.</i>

1103
00:58:35,632 --> 00:58:38,369
<i>Because anything more
would be too much to bear.</i>

1104
00:58:38,369 --> 00:58:40,297
Stop worrying
about fucking each other

1105
00:58:40,307 --> 00:58:42,864
and start saving the people
who are dying in your hospital.

1106
00:58:42,874 --> 00:58:45,870
Your patient has a
snake in his urethra.

1107
00:58:45,871 --> 00:58:47,898
You should all
lose your licenses.

1108
00:58:47,899 --> 00:58:51,335
When my time comes,
I will sign a DNR.

1109
00:58:51,336 --> 00:58:53,803
I won't.
I want to be resuscitated.

1110
00:58:53,803 --> 00:58:56,899
I want to be intubated, revived,
retrieved, and prolonged.

1111
00:58:56,900 --> 00:58:58,368
I want them
to zap me with clappers

1112
00:58:58,369 --> 00:59:01,935
and inject my heart with that long needle
of adrenaline... whatever it takes.

1113
00:59:01,935 --> 00:59:03,962
What? But, what if
there's no hope?

1114
00:59:03,973 --> 00:59:05,431
There's already no hope.

1115
00:59:05,432 --> 00:59:07,999
But what if you're just
a burden to your family

1116
00:59:07,999 --> 00:59:10,666
and, by extension, the
entire health-care system?

1117
00:59:10,666 --> 00:59:11,864
Won't give a shit.

1118
00:59:11,865 --> 00:59:13,833
I want them
to stave off death.

1119
00:59:13,833 --> 00:59:16,500
I don't care if there's turnips
with better brain-wave patterns.

1120
00:59:16,500 --> 00:59:17,738
Legumes.

1121
00:59:17,739 --> 00:59:19,597
But I thought
you hated life.

1122
00:59:19,607 --> 00:59:21,804
I do, but I'm going to
be dead for a long time,

1123
00:59:21,805 --> 00:59:23,733
so there's no rush.

1124
00:59:23,733 --> 00:59:25,031
Do you want
to have children?

1125
00:59:25,032 --> 00:59:26,570
I'd rather be dead
in a ditch.

1126
00:59:26,570 --> 00:59:28,538
Oh.

1127
00:59:28,538 --> 00:59:30,895
I mean, why would I do
that to those poor souls?

1128
00:59:30,906 --> 00:59:33,533
Well, for the same reason
you want to be resuscitated.

1129
00:59:33,533 --> 00:59:37,399
Because being, as bad as it
is, is better than not being.

1130
00:59:37,399 --> 00:59:39,536
This is a horrible place
to be.

1131
00:59:39,537 --> 00:59:41,804
Central California,
or the whole thing?

1132
00:59:41,805 --> 00:59:44,472
I'm already alive.
I already know shit.

1133
00:59:44,472 --> 00:59:46,430
But unborn children
are none the wiser

1134
00:59:46,440 --> 00:59:48,368
and deserve to be protected
from certain things,

1135
00:59:48,368 --> 00:59:49,836
like being alive
in the first place.

1136
00:59:49,837 --> 00:59:51,605
That makes no sense.

1137
00:59:51,605 --> 00:59:53,762
Living was not my choice.
It was my mother's.

1138
00:59:53,773 --> 00:59:55,800
Have you ever heard
of anything more selfish?

1139
00:59:55,801 --> 00:59:58,498
- I hope I'm not pregnant.
- That's all I'm saying.

1140
00:59:58,498 --> 01:00:00,595
Why did your father
leave your mother?

1141
01:00:00,606 --> 01:00:01,764
Because he could.

1142
01:00:01,765 --> 01:00:03,902
Because he had the power
of locomotion.

1143
01:00:03,903 --> 01:00:07,769
Why did she keep and hyphenate
both her divorced last names?

1144
01:00:07,769 --> 01:00:10,366
Because she thought
it made her sound aristocratic.

1145
01:00:10,366 --> 01:00:11,964
Also, this way
she gets all her mail.

1146
01:00:11,964 --> 01:00:15,929
And what would you say
is the major barrier

1147
01:00:15,940 --> 01:00:18,537
to a warm relationship between
you and your half-brother?

1148
01:00:18,538 --> 01:00:21,305
He's a douchebag. Why are you
asking me these questions?

1149
01:00:21,305 --> 01:00:23,432
Just... I don't know.

1150
01:00:23,433 --> 01:00:27,468
I'm just evaluating your qualifications
as an ongoing love interest.

1151
01:00:27,469 --> 01:00:29,337
Not that
I'm advocating that.

1152
01:00:29,337 --> 01:00:31,934
Clearly, you're an emotional
cripple, as am I.

1153
01:00:31,934 --> 01:00:36,699
I don't have any qualifications as an
ongoing love interest and neither do you.

1154
01:00:36,699 --> 01:00:38,796
But love interest
is too strong a word.

1155
01:00:38,797 --> 01:00:40,735
I, um... Affection.

1156
01:00:40,735 --> 01:00:42,363
Interest.
Tolerance interest.

1157
01:00:42,364 --> 01:00:44,361
This isn't
going to be ongoing.

1158
01:00:44,372 --> 01:00:46,529
What, you've just decided
that unilaterally?

1159
01:00:46,539 --> 01:00:48,936
- For both our sakes.
- I don't get a say?

1160
01:00:48,937 --> 01:00:51,604
No, you have terrible judgment
in this regard.

1161
01:00:51,604 --> 01:00:54,670
(scoffs)
What, but... I...

1162
01:00:54,671 --> 01:00:58,397
My head is finally
clear, thanks to you.

1163
01:00:58,398 --> 01:01:00,995
I mean, I haven't thought about
Keith since the mountain lion.

1164
01:01:01,005 --> 01:01:03,632
So you admit
it was a mountain lion.

1165
01:01:03,632 --> 01:01:06,499
Do you have any idea
how huge this is for me?

1166
01:01:06,499 --> 01:01:08,397
If it's true,
the mountain lion and I

1167
01:01:08,397 --> 01:01:10,794
are happy to have
performed that service.

1168
01:01:10,805 --> 01:01:14,401
But now, apparently, no
good deed goes unpunished.

1169
01:01:14,401 --> 01:01:16,528
I think
I finally have closure.

1170
01:01:16,539 --> 01:01:18,766
I don't trust that statement
and neither should you.

1171
01:01:18,767 --> 01:01:20,395
But you want to.

1172
01:01:20,405 --> 01:01:22,632
You don't just jump from one
love object to another.

1173
01:01:22,633 --> 01:01:24,531
- Tolerance object.
- That's how mistakes are made.

1174
01:01:24,531 --> 01:01:26,299
All I make are mistakes.

1175
01:01:26,299 --> 01:01:27,767
At least this one
would be fun.

1176
01:01:27,768 --> 01:01:29,436
Are you having fun
right now?

1177
01:01:29,436 --> 01:01:32,732
Yes. I mean, we're kind of
arguing, but there's hope.

1178
01:01:33,832 --> 01:01:35,670
This is an interlude.

1179
01:01:35,670 --> 01:01:37,368
A weekend.

1180
01:01:37,368 --> 01:01:39,935
A small oasis of time
in which we can taste intimacy

1181
01:01:39,936 --> 01:01:43,332
like it's a piece of free
salami at Trader Joe's.

1182
01:01:43,332 --> 01:01:46,498
Why not? You're in the store anyway,
and you forgot to eat breakfast,

1183
01:01:46,499 --> 01:01:49,865
and it tastes okay, and afterwards
there's no salami fallout.

1184
01:01:49,866 --> 01:01:53,362
When no one's looking, you just
drop the toothpick onto the floor.

1185
01:01:53,372 --> 01:01:56,069
Man, you're not one of the...
Do you do that?

1186
01:01:56,069 --> 01:01:57,937
Well, there's no garbage
pails in that place,

1187
01:01:57,937 --> 01:02:01,033
and it's unsanitary to put the
toothpick on the receptacle napkin.

1188
01:02:01,034 --> 01:02:02,902
All right,
le... just... Okay.

1189
01:02:02,902 --> 01:02:04,470
Just... I'm just
devil's advocate.

1190
01:02:04,471 --> 01:02:06,568
Maybe...
(clears throat)

1191
01:02:06,569 --> 01:02:08,297
just what if, okay?

1192
01:02:08,297 --> 01:02:09,895
What if it's more?

1193
01:02:09,905 --> 01:02:12,862
What if there actually
is something to the idea

1194
01:02:12,872 --> 01:02:14,730
of a destination wedding?

1195
01:02:14,730 --> 01:02:18,366
What if we've been thinking about
this whole thing backwards?

1196
01:02:18,367 --> 01:02:20,534
What if...

1197
01:02:20,535 --> 01:02:25,330
I know, but what if our real
destination was each other?

1198
01:02:25,330 --> 01:02:27,497
What if you
never say that again?

1199
01:02:29,506 --> 01:02:32,502
What if happiness
is... contagious?

1200
01:02:32,502 --> 01:02:33,930
Why would you think
that meeting someone

1201
01:02:33,931 --> 01:02:35,769
has anything to do
with being happy?

1202
01:02:35,769 --> 01:02:37,297
Because!

1203
01:02:37,298 --> 01:02:38,896
Once upon a time,
I met someone,

1204
01:02:38,896 --> 01:02:41,063
and I was happy...
I thought.

1205
01:02:41,064 --> 01:02:43,401
Personally, I'd be worried
if my life philosophy

1206
01:02:43,401 --> 01:02:45,029
began with
"Once Upon a Time."

1207
01:02:45,040 --> 01:02:47,037
Well, I was raised
by optimists.

1208
01:02:47,038 --> 01:02:49,065
But you have a preponderance
of counter-evidence.

1209
01:02:49,066 --> 01:02:50,894
Were you not watching
your own engagement?

1210
01:02:50,904 --> 01:02:53,001
- How could I have been?
- What's wrong with you?

1211
01:02:53,002 --> 01:02:55,669
Nothing. Sometimes I just
willfully reject irony.

1212
01:02:55,669 --> 01:02:57,037
You are doomed.

1213
01:02:57,038 --> 01:02:59,665
Maybe we saved
each other, Frank.

1214
01:02:59,665 --> 01:03:01,862
I mean, did you ever
think about it like that?

1215
01:03:01,863 --> 01:03:04,530
No. Neither should you.

1216
01:03:04,530 --> 01:03:07,367
I wonder how many
people met at weddings

1217
01:03:07,367 --> 01:03:09,764
- and then went on to...
- Thirty-two.

1218
01:03:09,765 --> 01:03:12,662
Why not, you know,
extend the oasis?

1219
01:03:12,672 --> 01:03:14,999
A good day here,
a good day there,

1220
01:03:15,000 --> 01:03:18,336
pretty soon you're just talking
about a couple of good days.

1221
01:03:18,336 --> 01:03:20,333
What time does our flight
land tomorrow night?

1222
01:03:20,334 --> 01:03:21,932
I don't know,
about 7:30?

1223
01:03:21,933 --> 01:03:25,299
I will extend it until
tomorrow at about 7:30.

1224
01:03:25,299 --> 01:03:28,735
Well, there's no point in
extending it another four seconds

1225
01:03:28,736 --> 01:03:31,633
if you're not gonna keep your
mind open to the possibilities.

1226
01:03:31,633 --> 01:03:33,760
Why do people need the
dangled carrot of a future?

1227
01:03:33,771 --> 01:03:34,969
Because we do.

1228
01:03:34,969 --> 01:03:36,937
Because connection
is precious,

1229
01:03:36,937 --> 01:03:39,534
therefore, it is immoral

1230
01:03:39,535 --> 01:03:42,402
to just treat each other
like dalliances,

1231
01:03:42,402 --> 01:03:44,729
even if that's what
we wind up being.

1232
01:03:44,730 --> 01:03:46,698
But that's exactly what
we wind up being.

1233
01:03:46,698 --> 01:03:49,335
Permanence is a myth,
an a... an illusion.

1234
01:03:49,335 --> 01:03:51,432
Well, I didn't say anything
about permanence.

1235
01:03:51,433 --> 01:03:55,299
I was speaking of a slightly
lengthier temporariness.

1236
01:03:55,299 --> 01:03:56,467
What's the point?

1237
01:03:56,468 --> 01:03:58,436
I just told you
what the point was.

1238
01:03:58,436 --> 01:04:01,532
But when it's over, you're
right back at square zero.

1239
01:04:01,533 --> 01:04:03,560
I will not
keep my mind open.

1240
01:04:03,571 --> 01:04:05,529
(scoffs) Well, then
just keep it open

1241
01:04:05,529 --> 01:04:07,896
to the possibility
of keeping it open.

1242
01:04:07,896 --> 01:04:08,835
No.

1243
01:04:10,364 --> 01:04:11,832
Really?

1244
01:04:11,832 --> 01:04:16,497
Oh, wow. That's... I...
I'm almost, I'm almost...

1245
01:04:16,497 --> 01:04:18,465
You know what,
if you can't or won't,

1246
01:04:18,465 --> 01:04:20,792
then you simply
can't or won't.

1247
01:04:20,803 --> 01:04:22,761
- That's my blanket.
- (mocking) "That's my blanket."

1248
01:04:22,771 --> 01:04:24,629
You might want to shake out
the Pringle fragments.

1249
01:04:24,629 --> 01:04:26,327
"You might want to shake out
the Pringle fragments."

1250
01:04:26,338 --> 01:04:27,526
If you want to leave,
just say so.

1251
01:04:27,536 --> 01:04:29,633
- I very much want to leave.
- Say it again.

1252
01:04:29,634 --> 01:04:31,562
You debate like a child.

1253
01:04:31,562 --> 01:04:33,559
You eat like a raccoon.

1254
01:04:33,570 --> 01:04:34,968
You're fucking up.

1255
01:04:39,904 --> 01:04:41,662
How about
if I keep my mind open

1256
01:04:41,662 --> 01:04:43,699
to the possibility
of keeping my mind open

1257
01:04:43,700 --> 01:04:46,397
to the possibility
of keeping my mind open?

1258
01:04:47,666 --> 01:04:50,902
That is just one metalevel
too removed.

1259
01:04:50,903 --> 01:04:52,831
Come on.

1260
01:04:52,831 --> 01:04:54,299
Get back into bed.

1261
01:04:55,798 --> 01:04:58,335
Let's find out who the
nephrologist is sleeping with.

1262
01:04:59,834 --> 01:05:01,762
Fine.

1263
01:05:01,762 --> 01:05:04,299
But only until
the next commercial break.

1264
01:05:04,299 --> 01:05:06,836
And with no sexual reprise.

1265
01:05:06,837 --> 01:05:11,831
And only because I <i>do</i> want to know who
the nephrologist is sleeping with.

1266
01:05:11,832 --> 01:05:13,360
Okay.

1267
01:05:13,370 --> 01:05:14,568
(sighs)

1268
01:05:16,737 --> 01:05:20,932
(man on TV) <i>When I look at
you, I don't see smallpox.</i>

1269
01:05:20,932 --> 01:05:22,330
And it's "re-prize."

1270
01:05:22,331 --> 01:05:23,499
It's "re-preeze."

1271
01:05:23,500 --> 01:05:26,297
- "Re-prize."
- It's... "re-preeze." (scoffs)

1272
01:05:33,929 --> 01:05:35,697
(squeaks)

1273
01:05:39,933 --> 01:05:41,561
(snoring)

1274
01:05:43,769 --> 01:05:44,698
(quick snort)

1275
01:05:46,497 --> 01:05:49,234
(snoring)

1276
01:06:03,929 --> 01:06:04,937
(quick snort)

1277
01:06:07,066 --> 01:06:07,965
(quick snort)

1278
01:06:12,800 --> 01:06:13,828
(gurgles)

1279
01:06:27,835 --> 01:06:29,503
(sighs)

1280
01:06:30,762 --> 01:06:31,770
(quick snort)

1281
01:06:50,802 --> 01:06:52,760
- (snoring)
- (knocking)

1282
01:06:52,770 --> 01:06:54,728
(Lindsay sighs)

1283
01:06:54,738 --> 01:06:56,066
(knocking)

1284
01:06:56,066 --> 01:06:57,864
Jesus,
is it Kristallnacht?

1285
01:06:57,865 --> 01:06:59,433
Oh, it's housekeeping.

1286
01:06:59,433 --> 01:07:01,430
They're not going to
get that reference.

1287
01:07:01,431 --> 01:07:02,559
(knocking continues)

1288
01:07:02,570 --> 01:07:04,468
<i>Mas retardos!</i>

1289
01:07:04,468 --> 01:07:08,493
Ah...
(speaking foreign language)

1290
01:07:09,733 --> 01:07:13,928
Oh... You shouldn't be in here.

1291
01:07:13,928 --> 01:07:15,566
This is my room.

1292
01:07:15,567 --> 01:07:16,995
Then I shouldn't be
in here.

1293
01:07:16,995 --> 01:07:19,632
Okay.

1294
01:07:19,633 --> 01:07:21,700
How did I wind up
in this position?

1295
01:07:21,700 --> 01:07:23,498
You made some
poor life choices.

1296
01:07:23,499 --> 01:07:26,296
No, in this position.
I'm half off the bed.

1297
01:07:26,296 --> 01:07:28,693
- (groans)
- Why is my nose bleeding?

1298
01:07:28,703 --> 01:07:31,530
I think I have a spinal injury.
(groans)

1299
01:07:31,531 --> 01:07:33,429
You feel pregnant?

1300
01:07:33,429 --> 01:07:34,697
I wouldn't know.

1301
01:07:34,697 --> 01:07:36,425
What's your gut say?

1302
01:07:36,436 --> 01:07:37,864
What it always says.

1303
01:07:37,864 --> 01:07:39,792
"Don't listen to me."

1304
01:07:39,802 --> 01:07:41,829
But if you did listen?

1305
01:07:41,830 --> 01:07:44,427
I don't feel any different,
if that's what you mean.

1306
01:07:44,427 --> 01:07:47,294
- Good.
- How is that good?

1307
01:07:47,295 --> 01:07:51,001
Why would you want me to perpetuate
my general circumstances?

1308
01:07:51,001 --> 01:07:53,028
You can do anything you want
with your circumstances.

1309
01:07:53,029 --> 01:07:54,867
I was thinking
of my circumstances.

1310
01:07:54,867 --> 01:07:56,765
Which are so wonderful.

1311
01:07:56,765 --> 01:07:58,533
We shouldn't have spent
the night together.

1312
01:07:58,533 --> 01:07:59,831
You wouldn't let me leave.

1313
01:07:59,832 --> 01:08:01,829
I didn't want it to end
on a bad note.

1314
01:08:01,830 --> 01:08:03,058
Also,
you're in the next room.

1315
01:08:03,069 --> 01:08:04,967
It would have been
spectacularly awkward.

1316
01:08:04,967 --> 01:08:06,435
(scoffs)
As opposed to this.

1317
01:08:07,694 --> 01:08:10,960
We tried, okay?
We did.

1318
01:08:10,961 --> 01:08:14,527
But at some point there's just not
enough optimism left inside a person

1319
01:08:14,527 --> 01:08:17,394
to sustain something
like this, you know?

1320
01:08:17,394 --> 01:08:19,861
You broken preacher,
me broken choir.

1321
01:08:19,862 --> 01:08:22,529
I think it's important we recognize
that and verbalize it openly,

1322
01:08:22,529 --> 01:08:24,566
so as to avoid
any discomfort.

1323
01:08:24,567 --> 01:08:27,394
Oh. Mission accomplished.

1324
01:08:27,394 --> 01:08:28,662
Good.

1325
01:08:33,798 --> 01:08:36,325
Do you have everything?

1326
01:08:36,335 --> 01:08:38,962
Oh, um... Yeah.

1327
01:08:38,962 --> 01:08:41,929
I think, uh, my...

1328
01:08:41,929 --> 01:08:44,566
Can we still hang together
at the farewell brunch?

1329
01:08:44,567 --> 01:08:46,365
Uh, who else
am I gonna hang with?

1330
01:08:46,365 --> 01:08:48,492
Although I suppose
I could hang with myself.

1331
01:08:48,493 --> 01:08:52,898
Well, I'm going to shove some tissues
up my nostrils and take a shower.

1332
01:08:52,898 --> 01:08:54,935
Sounds like
good-bye to me.

1333
01:09:03,997 --> 01:09:05,835
(bird cawing)

1334
01:09:06,934 --> 01:09:09,401
(patrons chattering)

1335
01:09:11,030 --> 01:09:13,927
Well, what do you think, about
time we head to the airport?

1336
01:09:13,927 --> 01:09:15,395
It's really close.

1337
01:09:15,396 --> 01:09:16,764
Fifteen minutes.

1338
01:09:16,764 --> 01:09:19,731
- Well, our flight's not for...
- Five hours.

1339
01:09:19,731 --> 01:09:21,928
- There could be traffic.
- Why take chances?

1340
01:09:21,929 --> 01:09:23,767
Then we should just
say our good-byes.

1341
01:09:25,565 --> 01:09:26,693
(together) Good-bye.

1342
01:09:30,730 --> 01:09:32,398
Want your farewell gift?

1343
01:09:32,398 --> 01:09:34,995
The farewell is my gift,
but please, take mine.

1344
01:09:51,969 --> 01:09:54,496
Who was San Luis Obispo,
anyway?

1345
01:09:54,496 --> 01:09:56,893
And what the fuck did he do
to become a saint?

1346
01:09:56,894 --> 01:09:59,691
Thirteenth Century Bishop
of Toulouse.

1347
01:09:59,701 --> 01:10:03,427
Served the poor, left the
Church, and died of typhus.

1348
01:10:03,427 --> 01:10:05,025
That's all it takes?

1349
01:10:05,035 --> 01:10:06,663
It was in
the welcome basket.

1350
01:10:06,664 --> 01:10:09,391
Why would you canonize a guy
who left the Church?

1351
01:10:09,401 --> 01:10:12,627
Why look to France when you're
naming a city in California?

1352
01:10:12,628 --> 01:10:14,795
And what the fuck happened
with the urban planning here?

1353
01:10:14,796 --> 01:10:17,633
- At some point, did they just give up?
- Right.

1354
01:10:17,633 --> 01:10:20,460
On the off, off chance
that I ever have a wedding,

1355
01:10:20,460 --> 01:10:23,896
I would never make
anyone travel to it.

1356
01:10:23,896 --> 01:10:25,963
I don't think you'll have
to worry about that.

1357
01:10:27,033 --> 01:10:28,701
(chuckling)

1358
01:10:32,468 --> 01:10:33,966
Because you're
a decent person.

1359
01:10:35,834 --> 01:10:37,961
Not because
you won't get married.

1360
01:10:37,962 --> 01:10:39,330
Oh, come on.

1361
01:10:52,428 --> 01:10:54,425
Why do we live, Frank?

1362
01:10:55,065 --> 01:10:57,292
Oh, Jesus Christ.

1363
01:10:57,293 --> 01:10:59,530
I'm serious.

1364
01:10:59,530 --> 01:11:02,397
The work we do isn't
meaningful in any great sense.

1365
01:11:02,398 --> 01:11:05,365
The connections we make
invariably fall to ruin.

1366
01:11:05,365 --> 01:11:07,992
Everything we build
burns to the ground.

1367
01:11:07,992 --> 01:11:11,528
Meaning is a myth, like you've
said, so why do we live?

1368
01:11:11,528 --> 01:11:14,465
I was so enjoying
the silence.

1369
01:11:14,465 --> 01:11:18,830
It has to be that the myth
isn't a myth for everyone.

1370
01:11:18,831 --> 01:11:21,897
Well, it's certainly a myth
for those two. Look at them.

1371
01:11:21,898 --> 01:11:24,725
They'd rather burst into flames
than to fuck each other.

1372
01:11:24,735 --> 01:11:27,692
- You don't know that.
- Oh, yes, I do.

1373
01:11:27,692 --> 01:11:33,396
It's possible that within the
myth, there's a sliver of truth,

1374
01:11:33,396 --> 01:11:36,063
and you have to believe
in that sliver wholeheartedly,

1375
01:11:36,064 --> 01:11:39,390
come what may,
despite the rational mind,

1376
01:11:39,400 --> 01:11:42,926
because if you...
if you don't,

1377
01:11:42,927 --> 01:11:45,724
the myth just reveals
itself to be a myth,

1378
01:11:45,734 --> 01:11:49,460
and meaninglessness becomes
a self-fulfilling prophecy.

1379
01:11:49,460 --> 01:11:54,524
Try as I might, I cannot get
behind wine in screw-top bottles.

1380
01:11:54,525 --> 01:11:58,361
Also, you have to encourage
others to believe in the myth.

1381
01:11:58,361 --> 01:12:00,558
Because if they believe,
they can do anything.

1382
01:12:00,559 --> 01:12:03,665
They can laugh,
cry, hope,

1383
01:12:03,666 --> 01:12:05,863
vote, get married.

1384
01:12:05,863 --> 01:12:08,830
But if they don't, they can't
do anything, I mean not really,

1385
01:12:08,830 --> 01:12:13,465
except make themselves as shallowly
happy and comfortable as possible.

1386
01:12:13,466 --> 01:12:16,692
Which is just vanity,
let's face it.

1387
01:12:16,693 --> 01:12:19,689
For me,
wine in a screw-top

1388
01:12:19,699 --> 01:12:22,596
will always carry the
stench of chintziness.

1389
01:12:24,595 --> 01:12:27,931
(sighs) What if we're
falling in love?

1390
01:12:27,931 --> 01:12:30,758
Don't get me wrong,
I'm not a big fan of cork.

1391
01:12:30,758 --> 01:12:33,055
You ever see it on a wall or
in the heels of an espadrille?

1392
01:12:33,066 --> 01:12:34,564
Ridiculous.

1393
01:12:34,564 --> 01:12:38,589
But for wine, it conveys
a certain necessary élan.

1394
01:12:38,600 --> 01:12:40,697
What if love
comes for everyone?

1395
01:12:40,698 --> 01:12:42,755
(sighs)
Don't be absurd.

1396
01:12:42,766 --> 01:12:46,362
What if no one is immune,
not even us?

1397
01:12:46,363 --> 01:12:47,431
Stop it.

1398
01:12:49,659 --> 01:12:52,596
It would be remiss
not to embrace the miracle.

1399
01:12:52,596 --> 01:12:54,863
What happened between us
was not a miracle.

1400
01:12:54,864 --> 01:12:56,891
It was actually much closer
to a debacle.

1401
01:12:56,892 --> 01:12:58,959
- Maybe that's what you meant.
- Oh, come on.

1402
01:12:58,960 --> 01:13:00,698
You don't find it miraculous

1403
01:13:00,698 --> 01:13:03,595
that two people like us
forged any kind of bond?

1404
01:13:03,595 --> 01:13:06,392
I find it "debaculous."

1405
01:13:06,392 --> 01:13:08,060
It was a miracle.

1406
01:13:08,061 --> 01:13:10,828
It required forever
being seated together.

1407
01:13:10,828 --> 01:13:14,394
It required an adjoining door
and a near-death experience.

1408
01:13:14,394 --> 01:13:16,022
What are you waiting for,
a burning bush?

1409
01:13:16,033 --> 01:13:18,760
I can't believe you're
bringing this up again.

1410
01:13:18,760 --> 01:13:20,528
I thought we had
an understanding.

1411
01:13:20,528 --> 01:13:22,825
We had come
to an agreement.

1412
01:13:22,826 --> 01:13:25,563
We're less than an hour away
from parting as friends.

1413
01:13:25,563 --> 01:13:27,331
Okay, but deep down,

1414
01:13:27,331 --> 01:13:30,288
in your broken,
miserable gut,

1415
01:13:30,298 --> 01:13:33,494
don't you want something
that's pure

1416
01:13:33,495 --> 01:13:35,962
and in its own grotesque
way, beautiful?

1417
01:13:35,962 --> 01:13:37,930
No.

1418
01:13:37,930 --> 01:13:41,656
Don't you want to secretly
have a romantic life

1419
01:13:41,667 --> 01:13:44,893
that confirms your hopes
instead of your cynicism?

1420
01:13:44,893 --> 01:13:46,421
No.

1421
01:13:46,432 --> 01:13:48,429
Don't you want to believe
that things like this

1422
01:13:48,430 --> 01:13:49,788
actually do happen?

1423
01:13:49,799 --> 01:13:51,757
Nope. I'm fond
of my cynicism.

1424
01:13:51,767 --> 01:13:53,964
It's very comfortable.

1425
01:13:53,964 --> 01:13:56,491
- Like a warm blanket of your own shit.
- Yes. Yes.

1426
01:13:56,492 --> 01:13:58,460
I'm very comfortable
and warm

1427
01:13:58,460 --> 01:14:00,957
in my fucking warm blanket
of fucking shit.

1428
01:14:04,893 --> 01:14:07,390
But what if
we're falling in love?

1429
01:14:07,391 --> 01:14:08,659
Dear God...

1430
01:14:08,659 --> 01:14:11,456
I mean, what if this
is what it's like?

1431
01:14:11,467 --> 01:14:13,295
It would end
in disaster.

1432
01:14:13,295 --> 01:14:14,663
- What if it didn't?
- It would.

1433
01:14:14,663 --> 01:14:16,461
- I know.
- Good.

1434
01:14:19,399 --> 01:14:21,596
- But...
- Stop.

1435
01:14:21,596 --> 01:14:22,964
- Ah...
- Stop.

1436
01:14:24,463 --> 01:14:27,459
- But...
- (hocking phlegm)

1437
01:14:27,460 --> 01:14:28,828
(continues
hocking phlegm)

1438
01:14:34,663 --> 01:14:36,431
Oh!

1439
01:14:38,499 --> 01:14:40,526
(laughing)

1440
01:14:40,527 --> 01:14:42,495
This is not funny. Don't
laugh at me, please.

1441
01:14:42,495 --> 01:14:44,992
I'm laughing
out of affection.

1442
01:14:44,993 --> 01:14:46,961
No one laughs at another
person out of affection.

1443
01:14:46,961 --> 01:14:48,859
You laugh at another
person out of contempt.

1444
01:14:48,859 --> 01:14:50,956
No. I'm laughing
'cause it's cute.

1445
01:14:50,957 --> 01:14:52,495
- It is?
- Yes.

1446
01:14:52,495 --> 01:14:54,293
But, fine,
I'll stop laughing.

1447
01:14:54,293 --> 01:14:55,232
Thank you.

1448
01:15:00,397 --> 01:15:01,925
- Frank?
- Yes?

1449
01:15:01,926 --> 01:15:05,022
(clears throat) Don't you, like,
have an instinct about me?

1450
01:15:05,033 --> 01:15:06,291
Nope.

1451
01:15:07,930 --> 01:15:10,627
I think you do.

1452
01:15:10,627 --> 01:15:13,424
You're the one who said
your gut can't be trusted.

1453
01:15:13,424 --> 01:15:14,792
That's true.

1454
01:15:14,793 --> 01:15:17,360
For a long time,
it's been a lying bitch.

1455
01:15:17,360 --> 01:15:19,527
But I would have been willing
to give it another shot.

1456
01:15:19,528 --> 01:15:21,525
Why? I mean, how much shit
has to fall on your head

1457
01:15:21,526 --> 01:15:23,354
before you start
wearing a hat?

1458
01:15:23,364 --> 01:15:26,560
You can't die from jumping
out of a basement window.

1459
01:15:26,561 --> 01:15:29,298
Of course you can. You can hit
your head on a pipe or something.

1460
01:15:31,026 --> 01:15:32,654
(sighs)

1461
01:15:32,665 --> 01:15:34,822
You're going to wish you
embraced the miracle, Frank.

1462
01:15:34,832 --> 01:15:36,430
You're gonna wish you had.

1463
01:16:15,561 --> 01:16:17,988
How are your pants,
John Wayne Bobbitt?

1464
01:16:17,989 --> 01:16:19,957
- Sticky.
- (giggles)

1465
01:16:27,329 --> 01:16:30,296
We shouldn't exchange
contact information.

1466
01:16:30,296 --> 01:16:31,854
There's no point.

1467
01:16:31,865 --> 01:16:33,423
I think
I just said that.

1468
01:16:34,962 --> 01:16:37,559
It was very nice
to meet you.

1469
01:16:37,559 --> 01:16:39,696
It was very nice
to meet you too.

1470
01:16:46,330 --> 01:16:47,988
I know what
you're going to say...

1471
01:16:47,989 --> 01:16:50,756
- "It's not you, it's me."
- No, it's you.

1472
01:16:50,756 --> 01:16:53,053
- (laughs)
- It's me.

1473
01:16:53,063 --> 01:16:54,521
Yeah.
I know.

1474
01:16:54,522 --> 01:16:56,789
- It's you.
- I... Yep.

1475
01:16:56,790 --> 01:16:58,428
(sniffles)

1476
01:17:12,794 --> 01:17:14,292
I liked the bow
though.

1477
01:17:28,997 --> 01:17:32,023
Why didn't we meet
seven years ago, Frank?

1478
01:17:32,024 --> 01:17:33,592
Just lucky, I guess.

1479
01:17:37,888 --> 01:17:41,024
(Lindsay) 14 Catalina Drive,
Newport Beach, please?

1480
01:17:41,025 --> 01:17:43,622
What are you doing?
Don't give your exact address.

1481
01:17:43,622 --> 01:17:44,990
You don't know
who the driver is.

1482
01:17:46,559 --> 01:17:48,626
Thank you for caring.

1483
01:17:48,627 --> 01:17:50,495
I don't. I would've
said the same to anyone.

1484
01:17:52,493 --> 01:17:54,490
We're holding up
the line, Frank.

1485
01:17:54,491 --> 01:17:56,289
There are other people
in the world.

1486
01:17:57,358 --> 01:17:58,696
There are?

1487
01:18:39,098 --> 01:18:40,898
Do you have a whistle?

1488
01:18:48,678 --> 01:18:51,278
(people chattering on TV)

1489
01:18:55,748 --> 01:18:57,518
(man) <i>And then taxation.</i>

1490
01:18:57,518 --> 01:19:00,518
(man 2) <i>We get shut down
every single time by your...</i>

1491
01:19:00,518 --> 01:19:02,688
- (man 1) <i>Idea you have so far.</i>
- (man 2) <i>No, no, no.</i>

1492
01:19:02,688 --> 01:19:04,058
<i>Can I speak?
Can I speak?</i>

1493
01:19:04,058 --> 01:19:05,088
- (man 1) <i>Please.</i>
- (man 2) <i>Because of your...</i>

1494
01:19:05,098 --> 01:19:06,198
- <i>Hold on. Hold on.</i>
- <i>That's what I...</i>

1495
01:19:06,198 --> 01:19:08,758
- <i>Just wait a second, all right?</i>
- <i>I'm working on it.</i>

1496
01:19:08,768 --> 01:19:10,998
(conversation continues)

1497
01:19:10,998 --> 01:19:13,668
(woman on TV) <i>It's the guys who
stand by in all their philosophies</i>

1498
01:19:13,668 --> 01:19:16,438
<i>and all their ideas and
everything that they represent.</i>

1499
01:19:16,438 --> 01:19:18,038
(man) <i>They're talking about
the silent majority.</i>

1500
01:19:18,038 --> 01:19:20,378
(man 2) <i>I don't know.
I mean, listen,</i>

1501
01:19:20,378 --> 01:19:22,708
- <i>if you look at the facts again...</i>
- (man) <i>Hold on.</i>

1502
01:19:22,708 --> 01:19:24,608
<i>They're having a sidebar here.
Hold on.</i>

1503
01:19:24,608 --> 01:19:27,018
(man 2) <i>How can we even bring
that up at this point?</i>

1504
01:19:27,018 --> 01:19:28,678
- (woman) <i>But what fact?</i>
- (man) <i>In the media.</i>

1505
01:19:28,688 --> 01:19:29,878
<i>You're not getting paid here.</i>

1506
01:19:29,888 --> 01:19:32,148
(woman) <i>You have got to look
at what your guy did too.</i>

1507
01:19:32,158 --> 01:19:33,718
(man) <i>Oh, really?
There it is again.</i>

1508
01:19:33,718 --> 01:19:35,418
<i>There's the same thing
right there.</i>

1509
01:19:35,428 --> 01:19:37,788
<i>It's the same response
for the other side. Yeah.</i>

1510
01:19:37,788 --> 01:19:40,658
<i>Yeah, but never mind
because your guy was worse...</i>

1511
01:19:40,658 --> 01:19:43,498
(indistinct conversation
continues)

1512
01:19:50,668 --> 01:19:53,508
(indistinct conversation
continues)

1513
01:20:51,138 --> 01:20:52,838
(doorbell rings)

1514
01:21:00,708 --> 01:21:02,478
(hocking phlegm)

1515
01:18:03,335 --> 01:18:03,335